The more things change, the more they stay the same
So after another long absence, where do I start?
Nothing new has really happened. I am still working, though the hours have gone down since there aren't any big holidays coming up except for Easter. I don't think people buy new underwear for Easter. Well maybe they do. I went to interview for a job today as an assistant manager for a new store that's opening in the mall here. It's not the job track I was hoping for but at this point, money is the name of the game. I feel like at my current job I will never grow. It seems there is no room for promotions or pay raises. During the interview today, the girl told me that this new store will offer both. I really hope I get the job. I need it so much and I have a better eye for retail than any high schooler (which is who is going to staff most of the store I am sure). I have been doing some major spring/summer clothes shopping lately. I guess I feel like my wardrobe needs a maturity boost. I did buy some of those Old Navy espadrilles though. What can I say? I was big on them in middle school which was way before they got popular this year.
I guess where most of the big news is, is in my love life. If that's what you want to call it. I speak nearly every night on the phone with Eric. It's really nice even the times when he gets to be a smartass. Last week I looked up his screen name on google and came up with a page that was made in 2003 that had 2 blurbs from girls about him. To say they were nasty is an understatement. It was a page about bad ex's. It said he was in a gang, a drug abuser, physically and mentally abusive and to top it off, he had an STD. I read the page a thousand times that night and just burst into tears. All I could remember doing is being in a panic. The worst part was that it was no doubt that it was him that these blurbs were about. They told his full name, home city, screen name and even named a car that he had told me previously he had once owned. I asked him about the page and he said that it was put up by an ex he had cheated on. I find that believable. When a woman is hurt she can be very vindictive. I should know. Is there still a hint of doubt? Yes, and yes again. I mean it could be right. I believe in his side, her side and the truth. I do plan to get myself checked soon. The last thing I need is to catch an STD. Especially the incurable kind. However despite all of this I must admit I have found a man who is very dominant and possesses a will that is stronger than mine. Anyone who knows me, knows that isn't an easy feat. I am strong willed and take pride in knowing I can take on the best. I find myself backing down and even apologizing for mistakes that I make. Last night we spoke on the phone for a while and every word he spoke made my skin feel like fire. I was so turned on that I couldn't hardly breathe right. I let words fall out of my mouth that would make me feel ashamed and whorish. He loved every minute of it. I don't think he has had a chance to see that side of me. I told him it was there but I guess seeing or rather hearing is believing. I expressed once to him my desire to serve him to which he answered, "We'll see". His response made me think he had little interest in me until one day he mentioned he kept a notebook with notes about me. I asked about what was in it but of course he wouldn't say. I am dying to know. Are they good things? Bad things? I find myself constantly trying to sort my feelings out about him. Especially when he starts asking about me and Michael. I think it is just something that will have to reveal itself over time.
As for Michael, I am conflicted and mostly irritated. I leave him several messages asking him to call me to which he replies "of course baby" and never does. I wonder if after learning of Eric he has decided to give up on me and look elsewhere. On the rare occasions that we do speak he does ask if I still think about him. And of course I do. I care very much for him. But I need his attention, I need to know that when I call I can get a call back. I think school and work has him more tied up that he realizes or wants to admit to. I do miss him though. Unlike Eric, he has a more gentle and affectionate side. He makes me want to crawl in his lap and hide from the world for a while.
Through all of this I realized that I hadn't spoken to Aaron in nearly 6 months. Hell it might be more at this point. So I called his parents line but his dad seemed a little out of it. I left my name and number with him but I haven't heard anything back. I surely hope the bitch's pussy is worth it. Who needs enemies when you can have a friend like Aaron? LOL
Well per Eric's wishes, I am to write twice a week and stretch every morning to loosen my muscles so that they stretch more easily. I am sure you get the idea. So I guess that means I will be writing more often. I have debated sharing this page with him but for now, I think it will remain my private space on a very public site. :)
Nothing new has really happened. I am still working, though the hours have gone down since there aren't any big holidays coming up except for Easter. I don't think people buy new underwear for Easter. Well maybe they do. I went to interview for a job today as an assistant manager for a new store that's opening in the mall here. It's not the job track I was hoping for but at this point, money is the name of the game. I feel like at my current job I will never grow. It seems there is no room for promotions or pay raises. During the interview today, the girl told me that this new store will offer both. I really hope I get the job. I need it so much and I have a better eye for retail than any high schooler (which is who is going to staff most of the store I am sure). I have been doing some major spring/summer clothes shopping lately. I guess I feel like my wardrobe needs a maturity boost. I did buy some of those Old Navy espadrilles though. What can I say? I was big on them in middle school which was way before they got popular this year.
I guess where most of the big news is, is in my love life. If that's what you want to call it. I speak nearly every night on the phone with Eric. It's really nice even the times when he gets to be a smartass. Last week I looked up his screen name on google and came up with a page that was made in 2003 that had 2 blurbs from girls about him. To say they were nasty is an understatement. It was a page about bad ex's. It said he was in a gang, a drug abuser, physically and mentally abusive and to top it off, he had an STD. I read the page a thousand times that night and just burst into tears. All I could remember doing is being in a panic. The worst part was that it was no doubt that it was him that these blurbs were about. They told his full name, home city, screen name and even named a car that he had told me previously he had once owned. I asked him about the page and he said that it was put up by an ex he had cheated on. I find that believable. When a woman is hurt she can be very vindictive. I should know. Is there still a hint of doubt? Yes, and yes again. I mean it could be right. I believe in his side, her side and the truth. I do plan to get myself checked soon. The last thing I need is to catch an STD. Especially the incurable kind. However despite all of this I must admit I have found a man who is very dominant and possesses a will that is stronger than mine. Anyone who knows me, knows that isn't an easy feat. I am strong willed and take pride in knowing I can take on the best. I find myself backing down and even apologizing for mistakes that I make. Last night we spoke on the phone for a while and every word he spoke made my skin feel like fire. I was so turned on that I couldn't hardly breathe right. I let words fall out of my mouth that would make me feel ashamed and whorish. He loved every minute of it. I don't think he has had a chance to see that side of me. I told him it was there but I guess seeing or rather hearing is believing. I expressed once to him my desire to serve him to which he answered, "We'll see". His response made me think he had little interest in me until one day he mentioned he kept a notebook with notes about me. I asked about what was in it but of course he wouldn't say. I am dying to know. Are they good things? Bad things? I find myself constantly trying to sort my feelings out about him. Especially when he starts asking about me and Michael. I think it is just something that will have to reveal itself over time.
As for Michael, I am conflicted and mostly irritated. I leave him several messages asking him to call me to which he replies "of course baby" and never does. I wonder if after learning of Eric he has decided to give up on me and look elsewhere. On the rare occasions that we do speak he does ask if I still think about him. And of course I do. I care very much for him. But I need his attention, I need to know that when I call I can get a call back. I think school and work has him more tied up that he realizes or wants to admit to. I do miss him though. Unlike Eric, he has a more gentle and affectionate side. He makes me want to crawl in his lap and hide from the world for a while.
Through all of this I realized that I hadn't spoken to Aaron in nearly 6 months. Hell it might be more at this point. So I called his parents line but his dad seemed a little out of it. I left my name and number with him but I haven't heard anything back. I surely hope the bitch's pussy is worth it. Who needs enemies when you can have a friend like Aaron? LOL
Well per Eric's wishes, I am to write twice a week and stretch every morning to loosen my muscles so that they stretch more easily. I am sure you get the idea. So I guess that means I will be writing more often. I have debated sharing this page with him but for now, I think it will remain my private space on a very public site. :)
posted by J. | 12:47 AM
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