In a happy place
I had an absolutely, beautiful, blissful weekend. I wish I could relive it.
I took my monthly trip to my BDSM group meeting this weekend. However this month was a larger play party and we had a wonderful speaker. He did a presentation on medical play and inserted a catheter in to a woman, stapled her forehead and tongue, wired her mouth open, put little metal rings in her eyes to keep the lids open and sewed her fingers together. I was absolutely in awe. I couldn't tell if I was amazed or disgusted. Her fingers were so bloody as he sewed them. A. chattered on and on for weeks about how qweezy he would be watching the presentation. He was one of the main ones who was front and center. I was a little irritated by this. This was the same man who got bitchy with me about the 2 millimeter scalp biopsy I told him about but yet he was ok watching this woman's fingers bleed. And I mean running blood. Ohh before I go on, A. got elected to the board of the group. I was happy for him, however inside I was rather disappointed as I realized this was yet another item added to the plate. Call me selfish. I am.
The big highlight of the weekend was the arrival of my friends from Tennessee. These are the 3 men I met back in January. I was especially excited to see G. (good lord these damn initials) I am seriously attracted to him and I took every advantage of being able to spend time with him. I didn't speak as much with people as I normally would have. I was determined to make this weekend the best one yet. Even if it was at the expense of being a bit rude. My friends were only in town for this one weekend. I have to admit, this is a bit difficult for me to write. I feel a level of comfort with these 3 men that I have never felt with any Dom I have ever been with, or any other person in this lifestyle. I feel like I can be free to ask my questions and expose myself. I was flogged and whipped with a single tail until I cried. I loved every minute of it. It was like I was letting my frustrations go. The pain wasn't that bad, it was cathartic to be able to scream and let go and give C. and G. the power to do whatever they wanted to me. I gave them no limits. They took me where I needed to go. I am starting to grow a strong enjoyment for fireplay. Its an absolutely amazing feeling to have my body feel like its on fire. Literally. I am looking to grow more in that. I let R. put a needle in my arm on sunday morning. It really isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I am looking forward to doing more with that. Normally I would share more details but honestly, this weekend was too special for me to share it with the world. I want to keep the details close and private.
I had lunch with A. on sunday afternoon. As I looked across the table at him I realized that 6 months was too long. I wasn't ready to be locked in. I realized that suddenly someone had cracked open a new door and I was ready to kick it in and take all it had to offer. Unfortunately he wasn't at the other end of that door.G. and I watched a caning scene with him and T. and I realized there was so much more to this life than just the serving. I love to serve. Always have, and always will. However, I learned this weekend that serving also meant taking pain when it hurt so much it made me cry. I also learned that serving starts in the mind long before it becomes an action. I learned I had a new option and the old options were no longer as appetizing. I know this sounds vague but my thoughts are all over the place so maybe I will be able to clarify them later in the week as things settle down. But the point of this post is to say I had a wonderful weekend. I had an eye opening experience and I have realized I am not the same person I was on friday. And that puts me in a happy place.
I took my monthly trip to my BDSM group meeting this weekend. However this month was a larger play party and we had a wonderful speaker. He did a presentation on medical play and inserted a catheter in to a woman, stapled her forehead and tongue, wired her mouth open, put little metal rings in her eyes to keep the lids open and sewed her fingers together. I was absolutely in awe. I couldn't tell if I was amazed or disgusted. Her fingers were so bloody as he sewed them. A. chattered on and on for weeks about how qweezy he would be watching the presentation. He was one of the main ones who was front and center. I was a little irritated by this. This was the same man who got bitchy with me about the 2 millimeter scalp biopsy I told him about but yet he was ok watching this woman's fingers bleed. And I mean running blood. Ohh before I go on, A. got elected to the board of the group. I was happy for him, however inside I was rather disappointed as I realized this was yet another item added to the plate. Call me selfish. I am.
The big highlight of the weekend was the arrival of my friends from Tennessee. These are the 3 men I met back in January. I was especially excited to see G. (good lord these damn initials) I am seriously attracted to him and I took every advantage of being able to spend time with him. I didn't speak as much with people as I normally would have. I was determined to make this weekend the best one yet. Even if it was at the expense of being a bit rude. My friends were only in town for this one weekend. I have to admit, this is a bit difficult for me to write. I feel a level of comfort with these 3 men that I have never felt with any Dom I have ever been with, or any other person in this lifestyle. I feel like I can be free to ask my questions and expose myself. I was flogged and whipped with a single tail until I cried. I loved every minute of it. It was like I was letting my frustrations go. The pain wasn't that bad, it was cathartic to be able to scream and let go and give C. and G. the power to do whatever they wanted to me. I gave them no limits. They took me where I needed to go. I am starting to grow a strong enjoyment for fireplay. Its an absolutely amazing feeling to have my body feel like its on fire. Literally. I am looking to grow more in that. I let R. put a needle in my arm on sunday morning. It really isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I am looking forward to doing more with that. Normally I would share more details but honestly, this weekend was too special for me to share it with the world. I want to keep the details close and private.
I had lunch with A. on sunday afternoon. As I looked across the table at him I realized that 6 months was too long. I wasn't ready to be locked in. I realized that suddenly someone had cracked open a new door and I was ready to kick it in and take all it had to offer. Unfortunately he wasn't at the other end of that door.G. and I watched a caning scene with him and T. and I realized there was so much more to this life than just the serving. I love to serve. Always have, and always will. However, I learned this weekend that serving also meant taking pain when it hurt so much it made me cry. I also learned that serving starts in the mind long before it becomes an action. I learned I had a new option and the old options were no longer as appetizing. I know this sounds vague but my thoughts are all over the place so maybe I will be able to clarify them later in the week as things settle down. But the point of this post is to say I had a wonderful weekend. I had an eye opening experience and I have realized I am not the same person I was on friday. And that puts me in a happy place.
posted by J. | 10:50 PM
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