Perspective

Yesterday I had a very good day. I can't really complain. Good day at work and even tried tae-bo for the first time. Class damn near killed me. I think I better start with something lighter. Maybe just do some walking. My chest is too big for all that bouncing stuff. Ugh. But it felt great to know I made through the end of the class without passing out. Now that's progress.

I also got to talk to A. for a while. I revealed to him that I had never had a contract, which blew him completely out of the water. He was really surprised by that and insisted that a contract outlined the relationship and that it couldn't really exist without one. So I guess if that is the case, I have never been in a D/s relationship. Looking at it that way isn't so bad. Its almost like getting your virginity back. Well sorta. He and his girl, T., are going to SELF next weekend. I wish I could go but summer school is really cutting into any and all activities I had hopes of pursuing. Its hard to keep in perspective that all of this is for something. I am guaranteeing my future. A. says I have plenty of time to do these things after school and in my mind, I know that completely and for sure but sometimes it feels like the world is passing me by while I try to figure out which pen to use to write my notes.

Today was a good day as well. I am going to class in a bit. Bleh. School in the summer time should be a sin. But I guess its better than going to school for a whole 'nother year. Today I started telling A. about this gorgeous Tiffany collar I had seen and he went to the website and started to look at the jewelry there. As he was looking he decided that he would rather give T. a Tiffany necklace as a collar. I laughed and said I was jealous and he said there was nothing to be jealous of. I just laughed it off but I was dead serious. I hardly even meet men who know what the hell Tiffany is, much less have the desire to buy it for me. He said one day I will meet a quality individual to belong to. I think he has alot more confidence in that fact than I do. However, in the deep depths of honesty, I have to say that I know I am not ready to give anyone that kind of commitment. I am still licking old wounds and am in no rush to create new ones. It just sucks sometimes to sit back and wonder why its not my time yet. But all in God's time. I trust in His judgement. Not saying its any easier, it just is, what it is. So I asked A. if I could accompany him to pick out the necklace. I figure any trip to Tiffany is worthwhile even if its not for me.

All in all, things are getting better. Not easier but definitely better.