Steal my sunshine
Today with crushing defeat, my feelings of elated joy came to an end.
Lately I have been estatic with emotions over my new willingness and openness to embrace all the things that this lifestyle could possibly offer me. I have enjoyed several long conversations with A. about the ability to truly trust someone in this lifestyle and how it is possible to have someone who has the same goals I do. I even made a list of things I wish to have in a potential Dominant. I will have to add it later. I had a chat with Shelton the other day and while he is quite a nice and sweet man, he is not my type. He has been trying repeatedly for me to change my mind but I am tired of entering relationships with men because I think they are "nice". So I tried my best to be kind in my let down but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I showed him my list and he critcized it. Now he is making random posts which have nothing to do with nothing but I know they are nothing more than simple cries for attention. I feel like yanking my hair out of my head. Then in corner number 2 I have a sub male who has some fetish-like desire to serve a Black Domme. I have told him repeatedly I am a submissive and he continues on as if he has not heard me. He insists on calling me Ma'am. I have since given up on that. Again, trying my best to hold my composure.
But today, I decided to try a friendly conversation with Eric. To ask for his advice on a situation. Not that i really needed it but thought it would open a window. However, all I got was slapped with an insult. I asked him to keep our coversation private and his reply to me was that he didn't tell secrets, for example not like when I told Steven and broke him and hell i don't remember her name up. Great. Its like he can't let it go. No matter how much I apologize, he will never let it go. I don't bring up his faults, the things he did to me, but I continuously get insulted. I asked him politely to not bring it up and left. I can't deal with this anymore. I cannot deal with this complete and utter pointless bullshit that I am being pulled through. A smart woman would have given up by now.
I am starting to think a smart woman is emerging.
Lately I have been estatic with emotions over my new willingness and openness to embrace all the things that this lifestyle could possibly offer me. I have enjoyed several long conversations with A. about the ability to truly trust someone in this lifestyle and how it is possible to have someone who has the same goals I do. I even made a list of things I wish to have in a potential Dominant. I will have to add it later. I had a chat with Shelton the other day and while he is quite a nice and sweet man, he is not my type. He has been trying repeatedly for me to change my mind but I am tired of entering relationships with men because I think they are "nice". So I tried my best to be kind in my let down but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I showed him my list and he critcized it. Now he is making random posts which have nothing to do with nothing but I know they are nothing more than simple cries for attention. I feel like yanking my hair out of my head. Then in corner number 2 I have a sub male who has some fetish-like desire to serve a Black Domme. I have told him repeatedly I am a submissive and he continues on as if he has not heard me. He insists on calling me Ma'am. I have since given up on that. Again, trying my best to hold my composure.
But today, I decided to try a friendly conversation with Eric. To ask for his advice on a situation. Not that i really needed it but thought it would open a window. However, all I got was slapped with an insult. I asked him to keep our coversation private and his reply to me was that he didn't tell secrets, for example not like when I told Steven and broke him and hell i don't remember her name up. Great. Its like he can't let it go. No matter how much I apologize, he will never let it go. I don't bring up his faults, the things he did to me, but I continuously get insulted. I asked him politely to not bring it up and left. I can't deal with this anymore. I cannot deal with this complete and utter pointless bullshit that I am being pulled through. A smart woman would have given up by now.
I am starting to think a smart woman is emerging.
posted by J. | 12:49 PM
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