Refocused

So we are at the close of another weekend. Another Sunday night where I sit at the computer and dread the week ahead of me.

But this Sunday night is a little different. This time I closing a weekend with a sense of accomplishment and self-actualization. This Sunday, I get to say "I did something constructive". Even if that something, has little to do with physical means.

I started my weekend on Friday after getting off work early. It was my hope to get my car out of the shop but it was still being worked on so I had the chance to drive a new Honda Accord on my monthly BDSM trip. It's a really nice car if anyone is looking. However I miss my little Saturn.

I did some shopping when I got to town and then went to A.'s house afterwards. This weekend was my first time meeting his new sub. I was quite shocked to meet her. For some reason in my head I was thinking blue eyed, blonde-haired girl but this girl had brown hair, eyes and curves. We sat on the back patio and talked for a while until he got in. I was really impressed by her. My past experiences with meeting subs have not been all that great (For those that know, remember Neal and Sandi? *shudders*) But this was quite nice. She informed me that I would be sleeping in the bed with A. to which I just said "ok" until I went in the bedroom and say her sleeping on the floor. That really upset me and I told him I would sleep on the sofa. He informed me that his furniture was not for sleeping on and that it was ok. I guess it kinda hit me right then that this girl had a dedication to him that I was not ready to give to anyone. At least not today. So I got into bed and he started playing with me. I tried my damnest to not make noise and wake her up but I lost that battle early on. She climbed in the bed later and it was actually quite enjoyable. It was my first time giving a blowjob with another woman. I was a bit apprehensive about calling him "Daddy" like I usually do because I didn't want to step on toes. It's something I will have to talk to him about later. The insane thing was that man would not cum. OMG I was worn out. I was awoken the next morning by "poking". Fill in the blank. His sub climbed in to the bed while he was in the shower and we chit chatted a bit before we got up and headed out. She had errands to run so I packed up and went to the nail salon and to the mall before check in time at my hotel. I love this hotel and this one particular room because the windows open up to the city and its like you can see everything. Its very beautiful at night. It's peaceful. A.'s sub came to my room after the dinner break and changed clothes and I got my first real attempt at lacing a corset. Takes work. Ugh. I dragged ass to the party about an hour later and got more compliments on my dress and shoes. I really felt sexy. Even one of the guys who would barely acknowledge my existence complimented me. Now that just made me beam with a smile. And one of my favorite Mistresses said that I always dress sexy but not slutty. I was truly on cloud nine. However, the down side of my night is that there is a particular Dom in the group so has interest in me but I can honestly say I don't share that same passion for him. He is a very nice man but the fact that he is married, and just released his sub a couple weeks ago gives me a bad feeling. I feel like a jump-off if you will...the rebound girl. However, my down fall is that I am good at letting people down. So part of me thought he would catch my subtle hints but I got cornered. I eventually had to just say "no". He is persistent, I will say that much. While I was standing and watching a scene a lady walked up behind me and started rubbing my back. I thought it was A. at first but after I turned around I noticed her and decided since it felt so good it was no point in telling her to stop. She led me to a couch and tried a few sensory toys on me, which felt great. By the time I came to, the party was starting to clear out and I decided to get back to my own room. I had a great sleep but I had to get up early to meet some group members for brunch. I got on the highway after breakfast and came home to have ice cream with April and talk about the weekend.

So all in all it was a satisfying and full weekend. I learned alot about myself this weekend. When I was sitting on the sofa watching A. in his girl I felt the tiniest pang of jealousy until I saw her laying on the floor. I know I could do that, but I also know I couldn't do that now. I am still licking wounds and the last thing I need to do is try to find another crash-and-burn relationship. As crude as it sounds, it was kinda nice to play and then get up the next morning and get dressed to go play with someone, anyone, else. But I miss that shoulder to lean on. Win some, lose some. I also came to the realization that I am alot more attractive than I am willing to admit to. I am so serious when I say I was flattered by all the compliments. I almost hated to take the dress off at the end of the night. So I am going to have to give myself more credit in the future. I also realized how much fun it was to let go and say "ok" to new opportunities. So I think i am going to focus on that more lately, less trying to find someone to get into a relationship with to make me feel fulfilled and more time working on me and experiencing new things and people.

Now I have to find a dress to top the one I had this weekend. :)