Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So I was right.

He was a no show.

It's an absolutely depressing feeling. Almost the kind that makes you crumble and find the darkest corner on earth and curl up in it and hide. It's a sickening feeling. It's how I feel now.

I headed out of town for my monthly trip to the presentation and play party with the group I visit without hearing from D in 2 days. I had pretty much given up hope by then until I recieved a text message from him saying that he had to work but would be leaving after work to come and see me. Hope was restored for a while. The presentation was nice and the crowd at both that and the party was rather small. I kept checking my phone for a call from him but got nothing. I called several times and only got his voicemail. I did have one very nice Dom approach me to play but sadly my mind was elsewhere. Before leaving the party I asked Eric to come by my hotel room and spank me before bed to which he agreed. I got back to my room and after 2 hours of waiting for him I got in bed. He did eventually come but all we did was talk and I put lotion on him. I started crying and his reply to me was to just let it go. Its very hard to just say sure, I will just let it go. What sub would? But I figured he was trying his best and left it alone. Around about 4:30 am he asked if I could wake up at 9:30 to which I asked him if he was asking to spend the night. Again he asked him question and then I asked mine. Eventually I was too tired to continue and said yes. He mentioned to me about masterbating to release my tension and I immediately frowned up. But after laying in the dark realizing that I couldn't sleep I decided to try it and naturally he watched. I asked him to finger me and he didn't. He spanked my pussy a few times. It helped me to settle to sleep but I did really release like I wanted to. I got him up the next morning and he left. I layed in bed most of the morning until I talked to S. and he came over and played with me for a bit before check out. He is such a doll. Sometimes I hate that I am not more attracted to him. I wish he were more agressive, more abrasive in nature. In any case I went to the mall and walked around and came back home. I called D several times today with no response. I will give his job a ring tomorrow. Later in the evening I got a call from Eric and he made the request of me to write a letter in which I thanked him for not trying anything sexual last night and to thank him for helping me find a new Dom. The second part was to list my best qualities and what I was lookign for. I was absolutely appalled!! I had asked him to help me find a new Dom but to be required to thank him for something he should have done on his own seemed silly and contrived. Honestly I think he did it to cover his ass with his sub. I won't be a party in that game. Its there relationship, not mine. I even asked him if him staying over would bother her. He never really answered my question. As soon as I finish this I will write him a letter but not the one he had in mind. Not an angry letter, just one that explains my feelings in all of this. Or maybe I won't. Who knows. I am tired. Not a good way to start my week at all.