In order for me to depend on you I would have to...

"believe that you care about me"
"trust in you"
"accept that you will hurt me one day"
"allow myself to be vulnerable again"
"care about you"

Those were my answers to that question as I had to go around the room to each person in my counseling class and give a different answer. As I got to the last person the class room was stark silent. My professor looked as if she might cry. I almost forgot I was talking to my classmates. I almost forgot it was just an "exercise".

I talked to A. last night. It was pretty much a pointless conversation. I think I have pretty much come to the conclusion that he is incapable of empathy. I kinda feel sorry for people like that. They lose a part of humanity that cannot be taught. I asked him if he was sorry that he hurt my feelings. He said that it wasn't his intention. He never once said "I am sorry". I told him I was uncomfortable with being in a relationship if i wasn't fully sure about it. I said I would rather be sure before signing on the dotted line. He said that I should have signed and then expressed my feelings. To steal a line from my little brother, "That's the gayest shit I have ever heard". Using his logic I should get married and then tell my husband, you know, I don't really trust you. Yeah, blessing for sure. I am going to a concert tonight. I have no idea what the hell I am wearing. I guess I better go and figure something out. Ohh but to end on a great, happy note, I took G. and C.'s advise and found a submissive I respect to train me. I am excited about it. And I feel more comfortable about this situation.