A Letter, A Response, A Call

So today on collarme I recieved a letter from a man named Douglas. I am not sure why he wrote me but I found his letter to be rather startling and mildly irritating:

No offense, but my experience tells me that black women don't make very good submissives........They like the thought of being a bedroom subby, i.e., tied down, etc., but in real life they are usually too lippy and wanting of their own way. Perhaps you would find happiness as a Dom? There are many men out there who would let you lock and cage their cock and balls, keeping the key, and the control over when they are permitted to cum. Just a thought, and I am really not saying this to irritate you or degrade you or anything, just trying to provoke thought and conversation.... Douglas

Amazing right? LOL So I started to just send him one of those kiss off messages but after some thinking I came back to the message and wrote this to him:

Douglas,
I must admit, my first instinct was to tell you off but after some thought, I realized, that would only prove your point wouldn't it? So instead I am going to bite and take your invitation for conversation because if the community is to become stronger and more informed, we must not only learn, but teach. I cannot say that you are wrong because simply those are your experiences. One of the benefits and ironically the faults of being human are that all of our experiences are similar but never the same. So I completely understand where you are coming from. To let you know a little bit about myself, I am in school and working on my masters. I work for a professor and have 2 assistants under me. I had a job as a store manager with a staff of 25 before I decided to put more focus into my studies. I pay my own bills...I am my own woman. I am the definition of independence. But that is simply what I must do to survive. I am a leader and I enjoy it. However, does that make me less of a submissive? I beg to differ. In fact it makes me more submissive. I crave to spend time at a strong man's feet. I enjoy being in his presence. The aura of a dominant man is intoxicating. I love to be humbled by him. It's when I am at my most natural state. Its when I am complete as a woman. Have a been "lippy" to so called dominant men before? yes. Will I in the future? yes. That is because I do not submit to just any man. And any wise woman wouldn't either. I submit to strong men. It takes a strong man to tame a strong woman and I can only tell you from my own experience that the reward is indeed worth it. Not only can I bring home the bacon, I can cook it. I have no desire to dominate a man. I have little use for submissive men. They don't excite me, they don't motivate me. I have no wish to emasculate a man. Why? What good is that to me? I want to be a woman. I want him to be a man. Race is simply a social construct. However, I could write for hours on that subject. It really doesn't figure into my submission. I would be submissive whether my skin was red, yellow, green or purple. I am very sorry that you have not had the chance to meet a submissive black woman in your experiences but make no mistake, you have met one today. And truthfully, there are several of us around. If you are interested, I would be pleased to introduce you to a few who I have been blessed to meet and learn from in my own experiences. I look forward to your reply and wish you a good Monday.

Respectfully,
sugga

I am curious to see if he is really interested in opening up conversation or if he is another person who is just looking to start and argument. At least I can say that I kept my cool and wrote back an intelligent response. Calm is the new word this week. Calm and patient.


So I had a really great weekend that I have to write about maybe tomorrow when I am more awake.

I called O today and talked to him for a bit and have no idea why but I got diarrhea of the mouth (again!) and mentioned my blog. He asked for the link and it was like my brain went into shut down mode. I've been writing in this thing for 2 years but the only person I know who reads it regularly is a submissive friend of mine and most of the time she knows the stories before I even but them in here. At best memory I don't think I have ever let a Dominant that I know read this. And honestly I am nervous. Real nervous. I flipped through and read some old passages and wow, I have some angry stuff in here. But its been a long couple of years. Very long somedays. I've always been apprehensive about putting my personal thoughts and emotions on display but he has the link now. So.....


But the part about the call that stuck out in my head the most was the way he explained things that he was saying and then asked if I understand. Yeah, that's right, explained. We haven't seen that word in a while have we? I was telling him about E and referred to him as "my ex" and he told me to take the "my" out of it. Because the word implies ownership. You know sometimes for a college educated woman, the simple stuff is simply mindblowing. I have never looked at it that way. Take the ownership away and there is nothing to miss, thus makes moving on easier. I soooo get it. He also talked about studying the things that I enjoyed. I have always been curious about learning how to flog but didn't think that was something that a sub was supposed to ask. It was a very nice conversation. I didn't feel like I was being talked to like a child. It was a very nice change.