The biggest mistake of all...

...was moving to California.

I think about it everyday. What a horrible mistake I made coming out here. I am still lonely and mildly depressed. However I do get to talk to a psych every friday evening. I told him one day I felt that no one cared and he said that he did. I wanted to say "because I pay you to" but I decided I best not burn my bridges with cynicism. I feel alone and betrayed and so many things are happening that it's causing me to lose hope and faith in this big "California Dream". I went to a BDSM event last week and he barely looked at me and didn't even speak. I texted him on Monday to ask to talk but he stated he was too busy. He was too busy when we were together and too busy now. What a joke.... I found out last Tuesday I contracted trich and I am on my last few days of pills to get rid of it. Who would have thought I would have caught an STD? Especially when I wasn't sleeping around. He deleted me off his top friends on Myspace and it has slowly started to dawn on me that I made the biggest mistake of my life coming out here to be with a man who does care about me. I sometimes wonder if he ever did.... Daddy is back in the hospital and I am about one case of bad news away from setting the city on fire. Everyone claims to understand and I know they mean well but how could they? I want to crawl in a ball and hide until things get better. I want something to smile about and be happy about. I want to serve again. I need a friend.