Lonely vs. Being Alone

You know it has to be something significant going on in my life for me to come back and post. I suppose I really should have been posting all along. My aunt passed yesterday and having lost momma less than 2 years ago, I am feeling completely broken. What's most painful is the fact that I have realized that for perhaps the first time in my 32 years, I realize that I am alone. I felt lonely many times in my life but I knew there was someone to lean on but now I actually recognize that I am alone. There are no boyfriends, no back ups, no dominants, no submissives, no flirty maybes. Nothing. I suppose I have been so deeply tied to my school work that I some how missed it. I forgot to find a back up. It feels a bit irresponsible of me. I like to think I am better prepared. But given that I am not even sure where to start, I suppose I can't be too hard on myself. I am not sure I know how to date or where to look. That is a dilemma to solve another day. Even Bob doesn't talk to me much anymore. I don't think I have heard much from him since August.

So yeah...I am alone.