Getting Back to Basics

So for several months I took this blog down and locked it because my words hurt someone's feelings. It truly upset me that my words would hurt someone, especially words so honest and private. This blog's purpose has only and always ever been to allow me a place to speak when I cannot speak, and learn what is sometimes hard for me to see in my own reflection in the mirror. I took it down to make my atonement but as time has passed I have decided that I have nothing left to atone for. I've said all the "I'm Sorry's" I know to say and I have done the "good deeds" I felt I should do. The past few months have been like any other time in my life...full up the rich ups and the low downs but each day has allowed me to learn more about who I am as a person, trying to make their life among the millions of others in the world. I have missed my writing and my responses from stranger's half way across the world. My move here and my break up have taken an unexpected toll on me and one that I am quite ready to be done with. I have started to question to meaning of my past relationship, constantly wondering if I was another "notch on the belt" and have found that none of it offers the consolation or closure I need. So like all good black women, I just have decided to bury that skeleton in the closet with all the other unfulfilled promises of the world and move on with life.

My goal in life is to get back to the basics. To get back to pleasing my star player and remembering who I am. Lately I have been blessed with friends who have encouraged me to get up and be active and take what I want from life. This is a point in my life that I have waited years for. I live in an amazing place...I have the great corporate well-paying job and I have my health. My approach to life is now what it has always been, mind, body and soul. My next step is to finally get my body on board with the new (or is that old?) me. I have been extensively researching weight loss methods and surgeries and I finally feel ready to make the step. It's a scary step and one I have to make on my own but I am happy to do it. I am happy finally allow myself the opportunity to be honest with myself and others. I welcome it, despite the fears that it comes packaged with. I never again want to say that I didn't leave it all the table. I never again want to feel that I left something undone and questions unanswered. So I won't. And it's just that simple and just that hard.