Trust, Respect and Obedience

I went to an amazing presentation this weekend about love and the D/s dynamic. The main message of the presentation was that Trust, Respect and Obedience are needed to maintain a healthy D/s relationship. As the presenter gave her views on the subject, I started to really do some self thought and evaluation on my last relationship and how these values played a role. She stated that without trust there is no respect and no level of communication can fix that. I realized that once I no longer trust someone I don't respect them. My trust was damaged and there was unfortunately no turning back after that. One thing I hope to learn is to try harder to trust people after I don't trust them anymore. I tend to write a person off without really trying to patch up my hurt feelings. I know its one of my many defense mechanisms. I don't want to continue locking my heart and feelings up so tightly when I am hurt. She also spoke of how dominants can feel humiliated by things that can happen when a submissive loves them. I remember hearing him tell me he felt humiliated and it was such a painful moment. It's not something I am proud of. Not sure it is something I will ever live down. I also allowed myself to admit to the fact that I did...I do love him. And that's ok. It is ok to love people. Its ok to love when that love isn't returned. But it doesn't mean that I should continue to let my feelings cause me to feel guilty for things I am not sure I should feel guilty for. Part of me feels like all of this is a training to help me for when the man who I am supposed to be with comes into my life. I want to be more trusting and when I don't trust I want to try harder and realize I am, we are, humans. I want to be more mindful in my submission. I never, ever, want to hear a man say that he felt humiliated. So I am quite happy I attended this presentation. It brought to light things I have been avoiding thinking about. I can't continue to deny that I am a natural submissive and I am ready to let go of some old baggage, bad feelings, and bad habits. I hate it took so much to get here but I guess this is my lesson to learn. I needed to learn to trust more....to give respect where is earned and given and to obey, not just Him but the dynamic that I so deeply desire to belong to.