Love Letters

Love letters are pretty things.

Especially when you fill them with pretty words and small drawings. They are fun and harmless. At least when you were little they were. At 24 they take on a new meaning. The are the gateways to forgiveness and the beginning of second chances. Today Eric sent me a letter that was filled with the most profound apology I have ever received in black and white. I actually had to pause a conversation I was having with someone online to reread it and examine each word. Immediately the guilt crept in and I started to feel bad for being so angry with him. Guilt will be the death of me one day. His phone is broken so we haven't talked in a couple days except for a few brief chats online. So now I drawn back in and I am afraid. I am afraid that I am conflicted and my will power isn't what it used to be. I am afraid that this could be the result of me liking the attention and not the man. I am afraid of everything and anything that could go wrong by me giving in and accepting his apology. I did however. Of course you knew I did. That's the kind of person I am. In his letter he said he wanted to get closer to me. That actually made me take pause. It is the first time he has come out of that shell and shown any direct affection for me. For the first time I feel like he is talking to Jessica and not just some submissive woman, any submissive woman. Guess all there is, is to wait and see. If anything, I am smiling today. And that's good enough for me, for right now.