Opportunity

Today started out much like any other day. I went to work. I came home. I rubbed down my dog. Nothing different, nothing special. I was supposed to go out with my friend tonight but plans got cancelled so I was in for the evening. I called Eric, as he had turned off his phone last night and we talked for a bit. Last Saturday, during his drunkedness, he said to me that he wished to train me and that he needed to hear that I needed him to train me. I asked him if he remembered what he had told me to tell him and he said no. It was like a rough slap to face. Wasted words on a eager heart. Perhaps too eager. He wanted to know what it was that he said but I didn't want to say it. I knew it would only make me cry. He continued to press on until I had steered him into a conversation about his dinner. Then we got into the topic of how I didn't like to divulge my feelings to the world. He asked if I had ever been to a counselor and of course I haven't. Maybe I should go sometime, considering this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. Then I started on how I missed Aaron and he said he never missed anyone. I find that to be a pile of crap but I told him perhaps he hasn't had the opportunity to miss anyone. In any case the phone bleeped out and when I called back his phone was off. He didn't pop online to say anything to me or call back. I feel like a fool for even waiting around to see if he would do either. I think he is getting used to the idea of having me around. He is getting comfortable, just like Michael did. It's so discouraging. How can I serve these men when I feel like I am some distraction in their lives. I want to get the same attention I give. So with that I am thinking of maybe backing off of him and looking to meet someone else. I have started emailing a man from Durham. He hasn't asked for a picture, or if I am single or any of that. I really like that. Maybe that's all I really need right now is just someone to chat with and get out all of these questions and thoughts and feelings. So is this an opportunity to close one door and open another door? A better door? I don't know but something has to change, I am just not sure what that something is yet.