Exhaustion

So the unthinkable happened.

I lost everything on my hard drive. All my music, all my files, everything is now gone. I am starting all over. I am deeply upset about it but not as much as I feel I should be. I guess something inside of me figured getting upset would do nothing really. So I have just spent a few hours adding things back on here. I hate that I lose my book marks. That really sucks.

I have been obsessively calling and writing A. and his girl T. for the past couple of days with no response. I don't think I will try anymore. I am pondering going by the house but not sure about that. I hate being punished for something I don't even know if I did. I wonder if someone said I said something about him. Though I am having a hard time trying to think of what I could have said about him that I didn't say to him. I did speak to a couple people about the situation and one of them was my best friend. The other person has sworn that it was a conversation held in private between the 2 of us. So who knows. It bothers me though. The worst punishment is being ignored. It just conjures up previous thoughts of D and Aaron. I am starting to wonder if I am a bad person, if maybe thats why all these bad things occur to me. Who knows....

All I know is that right now I am exhausted and in desperate need for some sleep.