Loving Submission Through Service- An essay by Resa de Milo

This essay was posted in one of my 40 million yahoo groups and I really, really enjoyed it. I would love to talk with the author. She did a very good job describing the nature of a service-oriented submissive.

Loving Submission Through Service

Over the time I have been on my personal journey in submissiveness, I
have come to learn several things about myself as well as the BDSM
community. One factor of myself is that I am very much service
oriented, yet I find many in our community do not understand how a
submissive can be service oriented and from where they gain their
pleasure. Many have joked, "if there are any service submissives
about, I could use a housekeeper." And I hope in what I write here
these views can be turn to a better comprehension.

First and foremost is to understand that submission in itself is a
service. A gift that the one person gives to another. In this boon
where one person gains control over the other, the service can be in
the form or giving pleasure or allowing pleasure to be derived from
use of herself. When a submissive who loves pain enjoys the lashes of
her Master, he receives the gift of knowing his lashes gave her
pleasure. And her happiness brings him joy and in turn is service.

Still when we talk about service orientation we are not always
speaking of the gift of carnal pleasures. More often, we are speaking
of one person doing some task to please another. Still sounds like
the usual concept of D/s but where some do house chores or some
endure things their Dominant wishes. This is where a lot of the
shadows fall and many lose sight of how any pleasure can be derived
in these things.

Any submissive might do house chores or run errands for her Master
because he gives direct orders to do so. A service oriented
submissive does these chores in the belief that she will make his
life a happier and a little less stressful. This is loving submission
in that a submissive gives a gift to their Master that in turn often
gains appreciation and love. I personally have happily done house
chores for Dominants who cared about me and who I believe appreciated
the work I did. It wasn't for money, it wasn't for gifts it was
simply because it made them happy and gave them some extra peace in
their lives.

This kind of giving has brought more pride to my life in knowing that
I can do something to make another happy and more so to prove how
much I care for another not in words but in actions. The service is
not the direct source of pleasure. And so I believe this causes
confusion when someone who focuses on pleasures of sensation tries to
grasp the world of submission by service. The pleasure is indirectly
gained by way of the service yet from the reaction of the Master. The
pet on the head. The kiss on the cheek. The "I love you my precious
pet." These things and more are rewards from the task and these
rewards are what give the submissive pleasure.

The act of enduring something undesired I believe is the greatest
source of debate. And it is true that many people will see this as a
form of being a doormat or suffering abuse. Again I can only look at
my past and the times I have endured lashes or canings and other
(from my individual perspective) undesired sensations. The reason I
do not see my acts of enduring pain as abuse is because I am not
forced to suffer the sensations. If I were ever to have said stop, it
would stop. I have actually said stop when it became too much. Abuse
is only abuse if a person - emotionally, mentally, or physically -
fears saying stop. When a submissive decides if and when they will
safeword, then it is a choice, not abuse.

The pleasure aspect in this again is not in the sensation felt but
the pride the submissive gets in knowing she was able to take the
lashes her Master wished to give her. It is something like a child
helping Mommy and Daddy do some chores. The child does it willingly
and happily not because the chore is pleasing but making their
parents proud is. This form of giving is also very personal. Some do
enjoy service on a broad scale. I believe, however, many do the
service as an act of love for their specific Master. It goes to that
question of how many Masters would be happy to know their masochistic
sub derives their pleasure not from them giving the pain but from
anyone giving the pain.


Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,
Whene'er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together.

- from "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning


And the same can be said for the service-oriented submissive. She
gives in service to her Master because she derives happiness from
pleasing specifically him.

The key things to remember about submission through service is that
the pleasure is indirectly derived. It is not about sensations but
about the act of giving be it through tasks or of oneself. It is a
special sharing not between just anyone but between two people - the
submissive and her Master. The love given through service in return
earns love.

"By entreaties and prayers, by submissiveness, by committing oneself
to regular tributes and gifts, by flattering glorifications, it is
also possible to exert pressure on the forces of nature, by making
them favorably inclined: love binds and is bound." - "Human, All Too
Human" by Nietzsche



Resa de Milo
Copyright © 2003