Great Use of Comp Time
It's 30 minutes to 5.
My emotions have settled down significantly since this past weekend and I am actually looking forward to the upcoming weekend. My birthday is on Saturday and all I want to do is sleep in and clean. That doesn't seem super exciting to much of anyone else but I could use the mental break and I would love to celebrate my b-day in warmer and more pleasant climates. I sent an email to G's new girl and apologized for my grumpiness but she didn't reply. Not that I really expected she would, but I said my piece and I am good to go. I feel better about sending my pictures. I am sure that I really felt bad at first. I think it was fear. But he has never given me any reason to be afraid. I think alot of "this" is fear. Sometimes I feel like I have been down this road before and I am marching toward impending doom. I'm letting my past dictate my future and I said I would stop doing that. Sometimes I am afraid of the rejection, or being let down. But like all things, this too...shall pass.
Internet is down at home so I am at work and writing, which sucks because I hope I don't get blocked but I hate not being able to write when I want to. I like working here though. The people are so nice and so friendly and helpful. I am afraid I might get spoiled. I've been thinking about my blessings lately and twice this week someone has told me that I have a tendancy to be "impatient". I don't think I am but I suppose it must be true. I was so upset with G and how he treated me this weekend that it wasn't until the other day when I realized that it wasn't a completely bad thing. I am happy he is happy and has found someone to compliment him. But maybe he was a distraction, and an excuse. I have this desire to make some huge changes in my life after graduation and if I find a reason to not make a change, I will hold on to it. As time passes I am finding that there are fewer and fewer people to hold on to. Aside from M, I'm all out of play partners. (And the crowd gasps in horror!) And of course M doesn't really count. So is this a sign? I mean I ask God for signs all the time. Perhaps I should have asked him to show the sign to me. Maybe I need a map and a sign..lol. Or maybe I need to step out on faith.
Or maybe I need to stop rambling on here and go home. It's 10 minutes to 5.
My emotions have settled down significantly since this past weekend and I am actually looking forward to the upcoming weekend. My birthday is on Saturday and all I want to do is sleep in and clean. That doesn't seem super exciting to much of anyone else but I could use the mental break and I would love to celebrate my b-day in warmer and more pleasant climates. I sent an email to G's new girl and apologized for my grumpiness but she didn't reply. Not that I really expected she would, but I said my piece and I am good to go. I feel better about sending my pictures. I am sure that I really felt bad at first. I think it was fear. But he has never given me any reason to be afraid. I think alot of "this" is fear. Sometimes I feel like I have been down this road before and I am marching toward impending doom. I'm letting my past dictate my future and I said I would stop doing that. Sometimes I am afraid of the rejection, or being let down. But like all things, this too...shall pass.
Internet is down at home so I am at work and writing, which sucks because I hope I don't get blocked but I hate not being able to write when I want to. I like working here though. The people are so nice and so friendly and helpful. I am afraid I might get spoiled. I've been thinking about my blessings lately and twice this week someone has told me that I have a tendancy to be "impatient". I don't think I am but I suppose it must be true. I was so upset with G and how he treated me this weekend that it wasn't until the other day when I realized that it wasn't a completely bad thing. I am happy he is happy and has found someone to compliment him. But maybe he was a distraction, and an excuse. I have this desire to make some huge changes in my life after graduation and if I find a reason to not make a change, I will hold on to it. As time passes I am finding that there are fewer and fewer people to hold on to. Aside from M, I'm all out of play partners. (And the crowd gasps in horror!) And of course M doesn't really count. So is this a sign? I mean I ask God for signs all the time. Perhaps I should have asked him to show the sign to me. Maybe I need a map and a sign..lol. Or maybe I need to step out on faith.
Or maybe I need to stop rambling on here and go home. It's 10 minutes to 5.
posted by J. | 4:38 PM
1 Comments:
oh hey! Happy early birthday! *loves*
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