A New Year
This new years M and I decided to go to a huge swinger party that they were having out of town. The idea of being fucked by a stranger doesn't do much for me, but we're both voyeur types and I figured he could get a blow job this time. I tried to get him one a time before and the woman was more than willing but he told me no. However in the subsequent weeks leading up to last night festivities he has been excited about the idea of playing with someone. He confuses me sometimes. We got lost on the way to the hotel but eventually made it around check in time. It's a brand new hotel and very nice on the inside. It's near the airport so next time I am flying out of that city I will have to make a note to stay there again. It was a HUGE crowd. I don't think I have ever seen that many people at a party at once. I spent most of the day battling allergies so I was full of allergy meds that tend to make me a little cloudy-minded. We went to the mall to get me a new belt and stopped by Sexy's house to drop off the torch I had gotten for her. While sitting at her house she went "Ohh you two are perfect for each other, why don't you go together?" I kinda groaned. I hate when people ask that question. It's like male and female friends have to date. It was actually a question I had asked myself some months ago but the truth is that one, he is still doing the song and dance routine over his ex, two, he isn't really in the lifestyle, which I find to be more important the older I get and three, I find that I love him very much, but I am not in love with him. And that makes a world of difference. I have often wondered how he feels about me but I believe that if that is something that he wants to talk about, he will talk about and if not, its not for me to bring it up.
We left her house and had dinner and then went back to the hotel. I was still kinda drowsy from my meds so I laid down and we both took a small nap. My friend K called later and told me she was on her way to the party as well. We got dressed when she got there and went down stairs to the party room. K and I found a seat in the corner of the room and I told M to mingle the floor and find someone for later tonight. He decided to stay with us and we had a couple drinks and listened to the music until the midnight countdown. Afterwards, we left the room and went upstairs to the hospitality suites to get pizza and drinks. There was BDSM dominatrix there and neither K or I had ever seen or heard of her before. I wasn't too impressed by her but the people in the room seemed to be. As we were getting our food, I noticed that K had been a bit wobbly and was obviously a little past drunk. I took her arm and helped her back. I got a couple smiles and hellos, random rubs as I headed back through the crowded hallway back to our room. I love to be admired but for some reason, last night it didn't do anything for me. We got back to the room and K sat on the floor and closed her eyes. I told her to go to the bathroom because I so know that look. The "I'm about to be sick on the floor" look. She stayed in there a while and a man who had come to the party with her came by the room and check in on her. He offered to take her with him but I told her to get in bed and rest a while. I didn't know the man and the idea of putting a drunk woman in the arms of a strange man didn't sit well with me. Plus she was way too out of it to drive herself home. I apologized to M for my drowsy state and for the fact that a third of the bed was being occupied by a drunk and passed out woman. He said it was ok and I told him i would make it up to him. I asked him if he wanted me to go out and find him someone to play with and he gave me a "well I guess I mean if you want to" kind of answer. I got a little irritated by the answer because sometimes I have no idea what he wants. I know he wanted to have sex so I gave him a blowjob and played with him a bit. He wanted pulling on my nipples and rubbing my body roughly until I stopped him. I guess normally I usually put up with it but this time I took his hand and told him not to be so rough and not to rush. Its not a race. Aggressive sex is nice, I really enjoy it but last night there was no build up. It was painful. M left the bed around 4 am saying that he was restless. I told him to have a good time and come back and tell me about it and then rolled over. He got back in bed sometime later saying that there wasn't anything going on. K was so out of it I don't think she heard anything but left sometime at the crack of dawn this morning and sent us several text messages saying thank you. She informed me that she had taken anti-depressants and hadn't eaten anything before drinking so much. I think the mix of alcohol and allergy meds took their own toll on me because I woke up this morning with my abs feeling like someone had kicked me in them. Come to find out, I had been laughing in my sleep. Weird.
The hotel didn't have any power this morning so I rolled back over and went to sleep, deciding there was no point in getting up and getting ready to leave if there was no hot water to shower or light to get dressed by. The power was back on around 11:30 and I got up and sat on M's lap and told him thank you for being so kind and letting K sleep over. I know that wasn't at all in his plans for new years but I couldn't bare to let her out on the street in that state. We got into a conversation later about saying whats on your mind. I told him I needed for him to tell me what was on his mind more in the future. It is hard for me to know what to do when he won't vocalize it to me. I also asked him why he didn't find someone to play with last night and he said he was afraid of the consequences. I told him that there were consequences to everything, both good and bad and that being afraid of consequences would keep him in his "rut" that he always talks about. I didn't really realize until this weekend how bankrupt his ex left him, financially and emotionally. Sometimes I do get bored with listening to the stories about her but I let him talk because, that's how he is healing and working through it. He told me he had been in anger management, which was a surprise because I have never known him to be angry man. So if talking is how he processes the anger, I feel the least I can do is listen. She also left him with thousands of dollars in bills. Personally I would take her to court but he feels he can work through it so I support him in that too. I feel that maybe she has taken a couple of punches to his self-esteem but I have confidence that he will be ok. It seems like forever but I just realized, it hasn't even been a year yet since the split. He commented that he had "bad luck" with parties and I asked him to explain and he said that the last BDSM party was a bust (which it was) and that this one didn't go quite like he had planned. I felt really bad and apologized again and he said it was ok and that he was happy to get out and not have to work (he works 2 jobs). I took him by the hand and said "Rome wasn't built in a day". He looked at me and laughed and I smiled and told him I was serious. It's only been a couple parties and as time goes on a couple turns to a couple dozen and a couple hundred. I told him to not feel like he had to do everything today. Maybe at the next party he will finally chat a girl up. I remember going to my first lifestyle party. LOL I wore jeans and a sweater and huddled in the kitchen like a frightened child. My first party was a definite bust. I cried and begged my ex to take me home. Nope, Rome was definitely not built in a day. LOL
But I am still more than grateful that he allowed part of his new years to be spent watching over someone else. Alot of men...boys...wouldn't have done that. So I plan to make it up to him somehow. Just haven't come up with a good idea yet. But overall I really had a good new years. I spent time with a good friend and had a good time and got to sleep. You really can't ask for much more than that.
We left her house and had dinner and then went back to the hotel. I was still kinda drowsy from my meds so I laid down and we both took a small nap. My friend K called later and told me she was on her way to the party as well. We got dressed when she got there and went down stairs to the party room. K and I found a seat in the corner of the room and I told M to mingle the floor and find someone for later tonight. He decided to stay with us and we had a couple drinks and listened to the music until the midnight countdown. Afterwards, we left the room and went upstairs to the hospitality suites to get pizza and drinks. There was BDSM dominatrix there and neither K or I had ever seen or heard of her before. I wasn't too impressed by her but the people in the room seemed to be. As we were getting our food, I noticed that K had been a bit wobbly and was obviously a little past drunk. I took her arm and helped her back. I got a couple smiles and hellos, random rubs as I headed back through the crowded hallway back to our room. I love to be admired but for some reason, last night it didn't do anything for me. We got back to the room and K sat on the floor and closed her eyes. I told her to go to the bathroom because I so know that look. The "I'm about to be sick on the floor" look. She stayed in there a while and a man who had come to the party with her came by the room and check in on her. He offered to take her with him but I told her to get in bed and rest a while. I didn't know the man and the idea of putting a drunk woman in the arms of a strange man didn't sit well with me. Plus she was way too out of it to drive herself home. I apologized to M for my drowsy state and for the fact that a third of the bed was being occupied by a drunk and passed out woman. He said it was ok and I told him i would make it up to him. I asked him if he wanted me to go out and find him someone to play with and he gave me a "well I guess I mean if you want to" kind of answer. I got a little irritated by the answer because sometimes I have no idea what he wants. I know he wanted to have sex so I gave him a blowjob and played with him a bit. He wanted pulling on my nipples and rubbing my body roughly until I stopped him. I guess normally I usually put up with it but this time I took his hand and told him not to be so rough and not to rush. Its not a race. Aggressive sex is nice, I really enjoy it but last night there was no build up. It was painful. M left the bed around 4 am saying that he was restless. I told him to have a good time and come back and tell me about it and then rolled over. He got back in bed sometime later saying that there wasn't anything going on. K was so out of it I don't think she heard anything but left sometime at the crack of dawn this morning and sent us several text messages saying thank you. She informed me that she had taken anti-depressants and hadn't eaten anything before drinking so much. I think the mix of alcohol and allergy meds took their own toll on me because I woke up this morning with my abs feeling like someone had kicked me in them. Come to find out, I had been laughing in my sleep. Weird.
The hotel didn't have any power this morning so I rolled back over and went to sleep, deciding there was no point in getting up and getting ready to leave if there was no hot water to shower or light to get dressed by. The power was back on around 11:30 and I got up and sat on M's lap and told him thank you for being so kind and letting K sleep over. I know that wasn't at all in his plans for new years but I couldn't bare to let her out on the street in that state. We got into a conversation later about saying whats on your mind. I told him I needed for him to tell me what was on his mind more in the future. It is hard for me to know what to do when he won't vocalize it to me. I also asked him why he didn't find someone to play with last night and he said he was afraid of the consequences. I told him that there were consequences to everything, both good and bad and that being afraid of consequences would keep him in his "rut" that he always talks about. I didn't really realize until this weekend how bankrupt his ex left him, financially and emotionally. Sometimes I do get bored with listening to the stories about her but I let him talk because, that's how he is healing and working through it. He told me he had been in anger management, which was a surprise because I have never known him to be angry man. So if talking is how he processes the anger, I feel the least I can do is listen. She also left him with thousands of dollars in bills. Personally I would take her to court but he feels he can work through it so I support him in that too. I feel that maybe she has taken a couple of punches to his self-esteem but I have confidence that he will be ok. It seems like forever but I just realized, it hasn't even been a year yet since the split. He commented that he had "bad luck" with parties and I asked him to explain and he said that the last BDSM party was a bust (which it was) and that this one didn't go quite like he had planned. I felt really bad and apologized again and he said it was ok and that he was happy to get out and not have to work (he works 2 jobs). I took him by the hand and said "Rome wasn't built in a day". He looked at me and laughed and I smiled and told him I was serious. It's only been a couple parties and as time goes on a couple turns to a couple dozen and a couple hundred. I told him to not feel like he had to do everything today. Maybe at the next party he will finally chat a girl up. I remember going to my first lifestyle party. LOL I wore jeans and a sweater and huddled in the kitchen like a frightened child. My first party was a definite bust. I cried and begged my ex to take me home. Nope, Rome was definitely not built in a day. LOL
But I am still more than grateful that he allowed part of his new years to be spent watching over someone else. Alot of men...boys...wouldn't have done that. So I plan to make it up to him somehow. Just haven't come up with a good idea yet. But overall I really had a good new years. I spent time with a good friend and had a good time and got to sleep. You really can't ask for much more than that.
posted by J. | 12:29 AM
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