Authenticity versus Decency

One of the biggest struggles I find myself going through lately is that of being authentic vs. decent. This struggle came to a head this past weekend when I picked on a Domme for getting in the pool at night by herself knowing she could not swim. And despite my best intentions to help her hours earlier she showed no true interest in learning. I had some drinks in me and it made my tongue looser but the words were my true feelings. She has been a woman who was kind to me when I first broke up with O but after some months I started to feel like her kindness was fake because she had a sexual interest in me. Not to mention I didn't feel I could trust that things spoken to her stayed with her. I don't feel a particular need lately (as opposed to many years previously)to be "extra" nice to those who identify as Dom/mes. I give the respect as it is warranted and deserved but after a year of being ignored, lied to, lied on, disrespected and hurt by so called dominants my patience is quite thin. I feel more like myself than ever before. I feel like my true authentic self. Aside from my outward looks, I feel so comfortable with myself, who I am and where myself is going. Its such an exciting feeling. I wish I could paint it on everyone so they could feel how I feel! But I feel I may have truly hurt this Domme's feelings in a way that I am sure she will be much to proud to admit. My decent side feels like I should apologize but it would only be an apology of goodwill. I don't really mean it. Did she once apologize for some of the crap she has done to me? Newp! And why? Because I identify as a "submissive". I just find it all be a big ball of bullshit at the end of the day. I am a grown woman and she is a grown woman. However I do want to be seen as a good submissive woman by those who are important to me. It's such a conundrum. Truth is she will probably say something later. And I will apologize. Just because that's the kinda girl I am. Maybe that's my most authentic part?