Suicide and the Death Dance

I read a post on one of the BDSM websites I belong to about a man who had recently committed suicide. The comment was that "Nothing is ever that bad". I felt mildly irritated at the sentiment and realized I have my own suicide demons that still resonate within me years later. Often people will say that they didn't know or that things were not that bad and the person could have pushed through. They say they would have helped if they knew and each time I hear it I feel like I hear a ball of lies. As a person who has experience with suicide and suicide attempts I find it all to be a facade'. We know when they are feeling down. We see them curled up on the bed. We see them crying. We see them not eating. We see them hiding from friends and family. But we don't do anything. We want to continue with our happy existence. We don't want them to bring us down. We saw them die and we did nothing. I remember my own depression spells and they saw me. They can never say they didn't. The only difference was I survived. Twice. I still fight it from time to time and I know the warning signs immediately. I sometimes wonder if this is tied to my BDSM life. If there is a psychological need to be hit...to feel pain. It's soothing in a way I could never explain to a vanilla person and in a way I am not sure I would want to. When I am in my depressed moods all I want to do is "feel". Feel love....affection...safety...comfort. Perhaps that's all this gentleman wanted, was to feel. I don't know his story I only know my own. Sometimes it is that bad. Sometimes people get tired. They get weak. They hurt in ways that a flogger, knife, whip could never hurt them. Sometimes it IS just that fucking bad.
But what do we care?
We're still happy.

Right?