I drank the kool-aid

The last month has been interesting and eye opening in so many ways. My intuition has kicked up 100% over the last few weeks, almost to the point that I am afraid to really talk to anyone about it lest they think I am crazy. For example, I knew a friend of mine was over at O's house today before I even got out the shower this morning. She later volunteered the information and I started to say "I already knew that" but figured it wasn't worth mentioning. I am starting to see people and situations like memories. Like they have already happened and I am remembering them. Not sure how to remember the future but this is nothing new to me. I guess its one of my "things"...

My co-worker is currently going through a divorce and we have had many talks about love and relationships. One such conversation we had was about poly relationships. He is desperate to get into a new relationship. I asked him why he didn't just date a few women to which he noted he was monogamous and devoted to only one woman. I laughed at him and said that was a lovely speech but if given the opportunity to have more than one gf that knew about each other he would jump at the chance. He gave me a serious look and shook his head and said, "No". Funny, I completely believed him. He stated he wanted a marriage like his parents to which I agreed that I wanted the same. "Some men just want one good woman...." he stated. I felt confused. I still feel confused. For years I felt like if I allowed a man to have other women he would love and appreciate me more. But Mitch never wanted another woman when I was with him and it seems my co-worker feels the same. How did I allow myself to be fed the story that every man wanted polygamy? I don't see a problem with it but as I start to look for a future husband I feel that I want someone that can be my own and vice versa for him. I felt jipped. So many people in the lifestyle give the account of how we as humans are not meant to be monogamous but what if some of us are? What if some of us aren't? My co-worker is an odd addition and blessing in my life. He really makes me feel more normal than I have in a long time. It's easy to feel like I could fall for him but I love our friendship. I feel like he brings me out of this hole of utter bullshit. So I admit it. I bought the hype and drank the kool-aid. I even tried the pass the cup on to someone else.