Curveball...

How do you go from caring so much about one man to becoming interested in another in a matter of weeks? I don't know. I wish I did. It would cut down on the frustration that is going on with me. Since meeting Eric I have literally spoken with him every day. I am going to Charlotte on friday to spend the weekend with him and attend my first play party. I am very excited and yet very nervous at the same time about going to the event. Eric will be the only person I know there and in all honesty, I am still learning him. He wants to spank me at the party. I find him very interesting. I find that he finds me interesting to be even more interesting. He has sparked a part of my submission that hasn't be piqued in a very very long time. I find him desirable and irritating at the same time. His sarcasm makes me want to throw him out of window but there is a sweet part of him that is slowly coming out. It's interesting to watch the dynamics at work. I was supposed to do report on the Socratic Method and how it relates to BDSM but I decided to clean my room instead. Not that I didn't think doing the paper was important, just that I thought cleaning my room was more important. It was starting to become uninhabitable. You can see the floor again! Actually the idea of doing a paper frustrates me. I feel like I can learn this just fine without having to waste, and yes I feel it is a waste, a couple hours of my day to do it. But I am trying to prove to him and more importantly to myself that yes I can be a good submissive and I can do as I am told. I want to be the submissive I feel I am inside. I just don't want to wake up one day a realize I have followed another dead end and found another man who only has momentary interest in me, that is until someone better comes along. I am reluctant to give him the kind of control that I really want to give. I don't want to be hurt. And where I stand now, that is very possible.

So what of Michael (Sir)? Well that is a relationship that took an odd turn. Somewhere along the line things started to fizzle. Actually, he got too comfortable. The calls stopped coming and the IM's had ceased. In fact I didn't talk to him for over a week. Why? Because he left his cell phone in someone elses car. I still care very much for him but I feel that because of his job and school, maybe now is not a good time for him to be a relationship. Especially not one of this nature. I need his time and his attention. I feel greedy when I say those things but too long have I been the one to sit on the backburner and for once it would be nice to be someone's main focus. He knows about my trip this weekend and is very supportive of it. If anything, that makes me like him more.

The job hunt continues but now I am waiting to hear back from the colleges I sent my grad school applications to. I am praying that soon I will be accepted to at least one of them and on my way to a better career and a better life. One that includes independant living. I miss my freedom so much it hurts at times. Lately, it seems whenever I am on the phone people in the house want to talk. They have sniffed out that I am talking to a man (Eric) on the phone and suddenly have become interested in my calls. Now I remember why I don't bring anyone home. I think my mother is upset that I have not talked to her about any of the men in my life but we have never had that kind of mother/daughter relationship and honestly I cannot say I am interested in starting one now. I told her a few things about him so she wouldn't feel out of the loop however. I guess she is trying and that counts for something.

It getting late and I am too tired to take a bath now so I think I will pop up early in the morning and get one then. I have a busy week this week with work and getting ready for this trip, so I will need all the rest I can get.

CIAA weekend- March 6, 2005

6 March 2006

So I actually had no intentions of doing a journal entry tonight, but Eric insisted…no, SUGGESTED I do such. And while I don’t much feel like typing tonight, I think a journal entry might be good to help me sort out my thoughts and feelings about things. I have decided not to post it because what I write may hurt someone before I get the chance to speak to them. So where do I start? Well I went to Charlotte this weekend to take in the CIAA tournament. The highly ironic part is that I didn’t participate in one CIAA event. Not one. When we first got to Charlotte, April and I went and got our eyebrows done and then went to see Tresha’s new apartment. It’s really nice and I am rather surprised to see her and her husband back together after all of the drama they have been through. She is now watching her niece and her god son. She really wants to be pregnant so I guess this is her way of incorporating that need for motherhood into her life. I think her ability to not get pregnant is a blessing, considering her situation.
After we left there, we went to Rock Bottom restaurant for lunch. We were still in our traveling clothes because we couldn’t check into the hotel until after 3. As we were heading toward the restaurant, I called Eric and he suggested meeting us there for something to eat. I was a little reluctant because of my appearance and spent about 10 mins in the bathroom brushing my hair down from where it had been clipped up earlier. We sat down for a while and he arrived just as we had gotten our appetizers. I must admit he is exactly like I envisioned. Well I saw his picture before but sometimes pictures can make people look differently. He sat across from me, on April’s right, which made me a bit nervous while I was eating. I was trying to mind my manners and not look as hungry as I was. Actually I got full rather quickly and had take-out. Lunch was relatively uneventful. We talked and laughed. However he would look at me at times in a way that made me nervous. It’s hard to explain. As we were heading to the car he mentioned meeting us later that night at the club and told me to call him later. April and I went to the hotel, checked in and took a nap.
I woke up around 10 and started getting ready to leave. I think we left around 11:30pm for the club. The plan was to go to Club Myxx, which is a gay club. It took us forever to get through the traffic uptown and by the time we got to the club, the line was wrapped around the building. April was a little upset because of it. Neither of us had any idea it would be so bad. Eric met us at Myxx and I rode with him while we followed April and Jamil to another club. Harrigans I think was the name. It was lesbian bar really. Eric bought me a drink and we danced for awhile. I think it was only about 40 mins left before the bar closed anyway. He was kind of fun to dance with, not to mention he turned me on with the way he danced on me. As we left the bar he placed his hand around my neck and led me out. It made my cheeks burn slightly. It reminded me of the way Mitch used to put his hands around my neck. We went back to my hotel room and he suggested I change clothes and he taught me how to give a massage. To make a long story short, we had sex and he left me unbelievably sore. He started to put on his pants and I was afraid I had met a hit and quit it guy but he ended up staying the night.
Sunday morning I called April but she was still in a bad mood from the previous night and had decided to go out alone for the day. I got up had brunch with Miesha and we did some browsing in a few stores until about 5 pm. I came back to the room and took a small nap and called Eric who said he would be over later. I walked over to Bob Evans and ordered dinner sometime before 9 and brought it back to the room. When he got to the room I sat on the window seat and watched him lay on the bed. I liked the idea of sitting and talking and watching him for a while. The last thing I want for him to think is that this is only sex. Finally I got down off the window seat and laid on the bed beside him. He talked about my ass and started spanking it. Then he had me tell him stories while he teased me. It was such a turn on and a struggle at the same time. We had sex again and he came 3 or 4 times, which is absolutely remarkable to me because I have never seen a man do that in one night. Honestly I felt insatiable. Like I could be fucked for hours and never get tired. He also had me suck his cock, which I enjoyed a lot more than normal. You know what sticks out more than any sexual act I did all weekend? The fact that he kissed me. Admittedly I have had sex with men I haven’t and wouldn’t kiss. I have always felt kisses are as intimate as you get. He had to leave a little after midnight because had to work this morning but I am glad he came over. I got up this morning and packed up my bags. April came to the door with Mo, who I got to meet for the first time. She is cute, kinda like a little boy. Mo helped me put my things in the car while April did the check out. As April and I were heading to IHOP for breakfast, she told me that Mo had heard me moaning last night. I was sooo embarrassed. I had no idea I was that loud.
Well that’s the weekend in a nutshell and I had an absolutely wonderful time. I can’t really complain about anything. I had a great time, met a great person and actually got to sleep not only nude but in quiet. It really makes me miss what I had in college. I suppose that my only complaints are that one…April didn’t have the best weekend, two… I didn’t get to see the battle of the bands, three…I can’t really share the entire details of my weekend to Michael for obvious reasons and four…while I really do enjoy being with Eric he can really have an “I’m right and you’re wrong” kind of disposition which can be a serious turn off in high doses.