Listening and Hearing

So I got out of class tonight and decided I didn't want to go home just yet. I had a full tank of gas and decided to ride around and talk on the phone for a while. I made a few calls but no one answered. I called one particular man who was bit too preoccupied with playing WOW (world of warcraft) to talk. I kinda giggled to myself when he hung up the phone because more and more he reminds me of Aaron. I wish I had a nickle for everytime Aaron cut me off to play his online rp games. I suppose there is a little comfort in such frustrations.

So I gave Alfred a ring and much to my surprise he was in a very chatty mood tonight. He asked me which lifestyle-related books I had read and my opinions of them. That of course excited me because nothing is better than a man who enjoys hearing my taste in literature. He made the comment that he was surprised that a woman like myself was still without a Dom. I had to laugh. I wasn't sure if he was being sincere until he asked, "Jessica, what do you think you are missing?" I was stunned. I don't think anyone has ever asked me that. I said of course the obvious: "A Dom!" He laughed but then got serious and asked what else. I told him that I was missing a man who would listen to me, not just hear me. A man who would understand that I am a fragile woman who has been hurt and that the shell is just protection. That in my heart I want nothing more than to be at a man's feet. I told him I was terrible at expressing my feelings and wanted to learn how to do a better job of that. He listened and made the observation that I needed someone to report to. Which I do, but I answered with a simple "perhaps". Before hanging up he asked me why I talked to him. I replied that I didn't know and he informed me that I was to contact him when I found the answer. I asked him why he talked to me and he said he would answer when I answered his question first. It's a question I have to think on. Well perhaps I don't. He gives me that "feeling". The one I get when a Dominant man is around me, near me, within ear shot. The feeling of being breathless and shakey, where the only word that will come out are no Sir or yes Sir. It's an automatic and unmatched feeling. I wish every woman could feel that way just once. I know the answer, I guess I am just afraid to say it outloud. I am afraid of being disappointed again.