Refocused

So we are at the close of another weekend. Another Sunday night where I sit at the computer and dread the week ahead of me.

But this Sunday night is a little different. This time I closing a weekend with a sense of accomplishment and self-actualization. This Sunday, I get to say "I did something constructive". Even if that something, has little to do with physical means.

I started my weekend on Friday after getting off work early. It was my hope to get my car out of the shop but it was still being worked on so I had the chance to drive a new Honda Accord on my monthly BDSM trip. It's a really nice car if anyone is looking. However I miss my little Saturn.

I did some shopping when I got to town and then went to A.'s house afterwards. This weekend was my first time meeting his new sub. I was quite shocked to meet her. For some reason in my head I was thinking blue eyed, blonde-haired girl but this girl had brown hair, eyes and curves. We sat on the back patio and talked for a while until he got in. I was really impressed by her. My past experiences with meeting subs have not been all that great (For those that know, remember Neal and Sandi? *shudders*) But this was quite nice. She informed me that I would be sleeping in the bed with A. to which I just said "ok" until I went in the bedroom and say her sleeping on the floor. That really upset me and I told him I would sleep on the sofa. He informed me that his furniture was not for sleeping on and that it was ok. I guess it kinda hit me right then that this girl had a dedication to him that I was not ready to give to anyone. At least not today. So I got into bed and he started playing with me. I tried my damnest to not make noise and wake her up but I lost that battle early on. She climbed in the bed later and it was actually quite enjoyable. It was my first time giving a blowjob with another woman. I was a bit apprehensive about calling him "Daddy" like I usually do because I didn't want to step on toes. It's something I will have to talk to him about later. The insane thing was that man would not cum. OMG I was worn out. I was awoken the next morning by "poking". Fill in the blank. His sub climbed in to the bed while he was in the shower and we chit chatted a bit before we got up and headed out. She had errands to run so I packed up and went to the nail salon and to the mall before check in time at my hotel. I love this hotel and this one particular room because the windows open up to the city and its like you can see everything. Its very beautiful at night. It's peaceful. A.'s sub came to my room after the dinner break and changed clothes and I got my first real attempt at lacing a corset. Takes work. Ugh. I dragged ass to the party about an hour later and got more compliments on my dress and shoes. I really felt sexy. Even one of the guys who would barely acknowledge my existence complimented me. Now that just made me beam with a smile. And one of my favorite Mistresses said that I always dress sexy but not slutty. I was truly on cloud nine. However, the down side of my night is that there is a particular Dom in the group so has interest in me but I can honestly say I don't share that same passion for him. He is a very nice man but the fact that he is married, and just released his sub a couple weeks ago gives me a bad feeling. I feel like a jump-off if you will...the rebound girl. However, my down fall is that I am good at letting people down. So part of me thought he would catch my subtle hints but I got cornered. I eventually had to just say "no". He is persistent, I will say that much. While I was standing and watching a scene a lady walked up behind me and started rubbing my back. I thought it was A. at first but after I turned around I noticed her and decided since it felt so good it was no point in telling her to stop. She led me to a couch and tried a few sensory toys on me, which felt great. By the time I came to, the party was starting to clear out and I decided to get back to my own room. I had a great sleep but I had to get up early to meet some group members for brunch. I got on the highway after breakfast and came home to have ice cream with April and talk about the weekend.

So all in all it was a satisfying and full weekend. I learned alot about myself this weekend. When I was sitting on the sofa watching A. in his girl I felt the tiniest pang of jealousy until I saw her laying on the floor. I know I could do that, but I also know I couldn't do that now. I am still licking wounds and the last thing I need to do is try to find another crash-and-burn relationship. As crude as it sounds, it was kinda nice to play and then get up the next morning and get dressed to go play with someone, anyone, else. But I miss that shoulder to lean on. Win some, lose some. I also came to the realization that I am alot more attractive than I am willing to admit to. I am so serious when I say I was flattered by all the compliments. I almost hated to take the dress off at the end of the night. So I am going to have to give myself more credit in the future. I also realized how much fun it was to let go and say "ok" to new opportunities. So I think i am going to focus on that more lately, less trying to find someone to get into a relationship with to make me feel fulfilled and more time working on me and experiencing new things and people.

Now I have to find a dress to top the one I had this weekend. :)

Catching up and Catching on

Well the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of their own!

It's coming down to the last few weeks of school and I feel like I am running on E. I am so tired and stressed but I am on the verge of making straight A's this semester. I can do it! If I can just pull my act together. I know I am approach the end when my mind gets to wandering when I should be reading or studying. I took today off so that I can wrap up some work and get some laundry done. I have also been in the process of cleaning out my room and taking some things to the goodwill. I am a person who loves to hold on to stuff but I got to thinking one day that if I get rid of some old stuff, then I can go buy new stuff. How exciting is that? :)
Last week, the company I work for announced that is was closing one of its factories which happens to be right next door to the store that I work in. Many people have flooded our doors thinking that we too are closing and we have been assured by our management department that our jobs are safe. However, I am not very inclined to believe that. So at the end of this month I will be announcing my resignation from my job to take a full time assistantship at the college that I attend. It's really been an agonizing decision as I have been working at this particular place for about 8 years. I may just do it seasonally so that its not such an abrupt departure. I will miss the job but certainly not the stress. I have enough of that in my life to hand out to the world.
Lately I have found myself in quite an odd state of mind as have been on the path to recovery after D. I have made the decision to not enter into any relationship (vanilla or D/s) for a while. When I say a while, I mean probably not before Christmas. I don't want to spend another 2-3 weeks crying every night trying to figure out what is wrong with me and not focusing on finishing this degree and getting my life back. God how I miss my life! But I don't want to go through that again. I have been chatting quite often with A. lately and even that surprises me. He says I am such a smart girl who makes such stupid decisions. That's kinda hurtful but I don't tell him so. He has come to nickname me "Alice" because he says the stories I tell are colorful and entertaining. And yet, sadly true. I think I might be Alice for Halloween this year. He has met a young girl who lives a couple hours from here and shockingly has become quite enamoured with her. When I met him I always got this feeling that he was the floater type and thus was the reason why I left him alone but now, he speaks quite highly of this girl and even has wishes for me to meet her. I am honored but then like they always do, the pangs of jealousy have crept in. Making me wonder how it is that I can stick around people so long and yet never be as good as the girl who comes months and years later. Blah. But its all good. I am sticking to my cause. No relationships. I have to get get out of school. I have to get life moving in the direction it should be.
I have recently met a man from the area who I have had quite a bit of enjoyable conversation with. He is a doctor and a married man. I know I said I would leave married men alone but I have to admit there is a bit of security here. He is more skeptical of me than I am of him and I rather like it that way. We got a hotel room for a few hours this weekend and he talked about how excited he was to have time with me. I was more excited about the prospect of getting in a nap which didn't really happen. We didn't have sex and I don't plan on ever having sex with him. He spent alot of time touching and caressing my ass. He is infatuated with it it seems. That and my breasts. Makes me wonder if his wife is a flat chested and flat booty kinda woman. It was nice but I wasn't nearly as excited as he was. It was nice to get massaged for a few hours though. He is quite interesting to talk to and he is always pushing for me to finish school even when I am ready to throw in my towel and say "fuck it". He has told me several times that he got married too young and that I was lucky to find out about this lifestyle so early. I guess there is some bonus in knowing about this early in life. Sometimes the downsides outweigh the bonuses so much that I forget that they even exist. But he is a nice man and he tells me I am beautiful all the time. He is a good diversion for me. For now anyway.