Working Through It

Gawd it's Monday again.

I had alot of paper work to get done today but in a stroke of good (or bad) luck most of the ladies in my office were out sick so I had plenty of room to work and stretch out. I got my work study students to help out and I was finished on time today. Imagine that. Class was boring and for some reason I forgot half of my assignments. I am glad my professor is lenient on turning in papers. Though in return she gives us some of the most boring lectures I have ever heard in my life. I think at one point tonight I stared and my pen and thought "I can end this now if I can just get that pen into my eye...".

After class I went to Blockbuster to find the coupon I was sent was a fraud. Just great. I gave E. a call on my way back home. I noticed while I was at work that he was running for a position on the board of my BDSM group. I am a little conflicted about that decision but luckily I can't make the meeting this month so I don't have to vote. The group has been going through a rough spell with people embezzeling money and betraying trust. Its really sad because many people come out to the groups because they feel safe and trust the people who are there. Some people have their own agenda to take care of I guess. He and I spoke at length about his decision to want to step into a fragile position. I asked to hear his speech and he commented that he had been too lazy to write one. I kinda groaned. Like I said, conflicted. He asked me about Black Beat and I told him about the trip and how excited I was to go next year if I could. I told him to go if he could and he commented that he probably wouldn't. I knew that but I offered anyway. Its strange how uncomfortable he is around crowds of black people. (Um..he's black) We then got into the discussion of how race and socioeconomic status plays a part in people's perceptions of BDSM. I have always held the belief that the reason why there are more black Dommes than submissives is because a dominant black woman is more inline with the cultural standards that black people uphold. Submissive black women and especially men have a conflict they have to deal with. I'll have to write about that another night. But as we were discussing this I told him about how many women (myself most definitely included) have baggage they take from relationship to relationship and instead of just "dropping" it I think they would benefit more from working through it. I have been "working through" for several months now and I have found an immediate change in my life. I am just happier. Well as I was telling him this he commented that I should write all of this down sometime. I just laughed and said I should. He said that I sounded happier and more at peace lately. It really made me smile, especially to come from him considering our past. Sometimes its hard to see progress in myself but when I hear it from other people it really adds to my day.