TGIF

TGIF.

Thats pretty much all I can say about today. I was so glad it was friday. I had a pretty dull day at work. I interviewed for the position at the office I am currently working in. I didn't feel I did as well as I did at the interview in California but my heart wasn't in it the same way. I felt this was more of a back up. At lunch I got so tired that I could barely stand to be awake. My office assistant told me to close the door and take a nap. After about an hour I felt much better. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to drive myself home.

My phone rang during lunch and it was D asking me if I was still going to meet him and doll for dinner. I cut him off quick saying I was at work and couldn't talk. I was starting to feel like it was a set up again. He called again after 5 and I decided to at least give it a try. I met doll at the hotel and this was the first time we had actually met face to face. She was much shorter than I was and had a black girl's butt. She was cute. Looked just like her pictures. We sat in the lobby for a while and waited for D to show up and pick us up (in her car by the way). When I first saw him he looked...different. He looked older and tired. His eyes didn't seem to have that same glimmer. I could tell he had truly been through something over the past few months. He hugged me but I didn't return the favor. I truly didn't want him to touch me. We got in the jeep and rode around the city looking for a place to eat when I suggested a steak house I had seen. We went in and he had case of sticker shock. I laughed and reminded him that he did say that he wanted to take us somewhere "nice". I know nice very well. We ended up at PF Changs. I went to a jewelry store while he and doll waited on the table and he called me to come out side after I had been browsing a while. He commented that he was truly sorry for how things had occured and started asking me questions about things that had been said to me by doll. I avoided his questions and reminded him that the situation was one that could have been avoided. By that time she called and said that the table was ready and we went inside. We had a nice dinner and chatted lightly. After dinner we rode back to the hotel and as I was going to my car he stopped me and asked me about things doll and I had talked about and about how he felt that people were not being fair in their retaliation against him. At that point I stopped him and just let it all hang out. Years of frustration and pain came out. I told him about the nights I had cried myself to sleep, the feelings of being a poor submissive, the feelings of inadequacy and how hurt I was that he felt the need to lie to me even when I had always told the truth. As I talked I waited for him to interject but he didn't. He just listened. He said I was mature for my age but I have heard that so many times I am not even fully sure what it means anymore. How else should a 26 year old woman act? I felt tears coming to my eyes but I wouldn't let them drop. I didn't want him to see me like that. When I finished, we both stood there silently in the parking lot until he walked over and hugged me in a bear hug and kissed the top of my head twice. I kinda liked the kisses and I did smile a bit. He walked over to my car and opened the door (without prompting mind you) and told me to drive safe. I think he actually listened. I am happy if it did. I drove off and got to a stop light and had an "ah ha" moment when I realized, OMG I actually told him all of that stuff. I was smiling to whole trip home.

I never really had any intentions of ever talking and seeing him again but I am glad that I had the chance and the opportunity to do so. Perhaps in the future, we can have civil, friendly conversations again. Maybe a friendship. Maybe....

The craziest thing is that I remember doll telling me the night before she thought we could have made a good family and after this evening, I think she was right. Guess we will never know.