Alone

So another day in this wretched saga and I am trying to go for 3 nights in a row without crying. However I find it doubtful. I am alone. I feel alone. My only real solace is clacking away at my keyboard on this blog. No one really speaks to me much anymore. Sometimes they don't even look at me. I crawled into his bed this morning. I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to touch me and after an hour of rubbing and caressing him I crawled out of his bed, rejected. "Do you think we should be doing this?" He asked. "I don't know" was my reply. I guess the answer was no. I walked into the situation with the knowledge that this might happen. I was hoping for the best. Silly me...still hoping for good things. My camping trip with Sunshine is cancelled. They need time to work on their relationship. And while I cannot be mad and blame her in the least, I felt like for a second my last lifeline was pulled away. I am strongly trying to avoid being on the rebound and jumping up to find a replacement but I am so lonely and alone. I have a ton of phone numbers from people telling me to call them but I have nothing to say. I don't want to discuss our relationship with others. It wouldn't be right I suppose.

I went to a yoga class today and while a couple things were almost damn near impossible, it was quite a fun experience. The time really passed quickly and once I was done I did have a real sense of accomplishment. I am actually looking forward to going back again.

I really wish I had someone to call. I think this might be an Advil PM night.