On the verge of change

So I finally have the time and most importantly the energy to get a post up. I guess I will start with last weekend first.

So last weekend was April's girlfriend's college graduation. So we had decided weeks ago that since Eric's house was close to her g/f's house I could stay there and she could stay with her. However, things didn't work out that way and April got a hotel which was nearly 20-30 mins away from both Eric and her g/f. A couple days before we were supposed to leave she asked me if I could ask Eric to pick me up from her hotel and I got slightly irritated but I asked him anyway to which he replied, no. (He doesn't have a car. Not sure if I have covered that before) So she took me to his place and unfortunately it was storming bad that night and the whole time she continued on about how much she didn't like him. Part of me really wanted to tell her "Ok, I got that". I have to admit, it is getting a bit old. So I slept over at his house. The first night was nice. I slept in the bed alone because his back was hurting and it was too soft for him. Sex with him is still wonderful. In fact, on sunday I was laying on the floor with my head in his lap when he started playing with my nipples through my clothes. After a while his hand had trailed down my stomach to my jeans and was teasing my clit. As time went on his touches got rougher...his pinches were harder and he even started slapping my breasts. I had the biggest orgasm in my life. All I remember doing is screaming and panting. He said later he was afraid I might go into shock from the way I was screaming and shaking. Truth be told, so was I. Ohh the day of the graduation he even ironed my clothes and helped me dress. Commented on how cute my panties were too! I got a nice quick spanking before I was out the door. He seemed more attentive to me this weekend. I really enjoyed that.

I find something enjoyable about his presence, even when he is bitching at me about some worldly matter that I could careless about. However there is always something there, something that makes him just a bit of mystery. I feel like he is reluctant to get to close to anyone or but any trust in them. Lately I feel pangs of jealousy creeping in. That maybe he could find interest in another woman. I have been trying to disregard them. The last thing I want to do is get close to another man who doesn't have MY best interest at heart. I also think that April's proclaimations about not liking him have started to affect me as well. Then again, it could all just be PMS. I don't really want to be close to him. I am still afraid that the things I read online could be true. But I also see a man who is trying, and I never want to punish someone for past mistakes. God knows I have made my mistakes. I wouldn't want anyone to use them against me. Especially at time where I am trying to get my life off to the great jump start.

So my next planned trip to see him in Memorial Day weekend. I am not fully sure how that will go or if I will go at all. I told him I would not be visiting if he didn't have a car. Not that there is anything wrong with not having it but we are going to a function and the last thing I want to do is do like last time and have to ask people for rides to go home. When I am tired and ready to leave, I mean it. These functions can take a lot out of person, especially one like myself who is so new and feels like I am going into sensory overload.

As for things on the more domestic side, they have been stressful. One day my brother and I got into an argument which ended with him turning into a complete asshole, like normal. My daddy came home and argued about how there was no peace in the home. I pointed out to him that we had peace until my brother was allowed to move back in. Then my daddy started to comment on how we needed to take more responsibility and how he wasn't going to be taking us to work anymore on weekdays. I didn't see this issue, considering I have been riding the bus to work since I have been home from school. So he said if anyone couldn't deal with the changes, they had to move out. I want to move out. I would love to move out. His comment only angered me and I went out the next day to look for a new job. I got a call back from a job I was referred to by a friend and I have an interview there next week. Only draw back is that I told him I had a driver's license, which I do not. I am going to go on monday and take the test to hopefully get it. I also have an interview next week for graduate school. I really hope this week goes by smoothly. I really need this job and I really need to get back into school. I need all the help I can get. I feel like sometimes if my parents would just help me out, I could be out of their house and hair within a few months but sometimes they act like the little bit of help I ask for is too much. At least I am not asking for bail money like my brother has. What doesn't kill you I suppose...

So next week is a pivotal week. A lot can change in my life by Saturday. I can finally have a fulltime job, a driver's license and be admitted to grad school. I am praying that God can help me out. All I need is just one big break and I can take it from there. If anyone is reading this, pray for me too.