I love........you?

"I love you" is one of those phrases that I rarely use. I probably should say it more often but I find it uncomfortable and I find other ways to express my emotions to people. I only recently told my best friend I loved her and we have been together 15 years (a lovely dysfunctional marriage..lol). But recently I do feel the need to be more open and affectionate. I have been friends with M for nearly 7 years now and while our relationship has had some downs...deep in the bottomless pit downs, the last year has been one huge up. I enjoy the time we spend together and I enjoy the ability to be me around him without any hang ups. His interest in the lifestyle have made going to events the past year really enjoyable. And most importantly he has not tried to tie me down in anyway and for that, I truly adore him. Before he met his ex fiance' I had hopes of being his girl but after she came into the picture those feelings were put aside. Since I have been preparing for my big move people have asked me "What about M?", "What does he say?", "Are you just going to leave him?". And the more people asked, the more I have become concerned. He was the first person to tell me to get my butt on a plane and go to Cali. I would think he is ok with it. He hasn't said anything to the contrary. Needless to say it was starting to bother me so I asked him how he felt and he said he was happy for me getting out and living my life. I was satisfied with that until one day someone asked me if I loved him. "Of course I do!" I answered. Wow...did I say that? I had to take a step back. So I decided to bring it up to him. I told him that I loved him and he asked if it was as a friend or more. I told him both and yet neither. The truth is, I do love him. Very much. I love him for being a good friend, for supporting me in my BDSM journey, for allowing me to have his shoulder to cry on and for pushing me when I was ready to give in. But I also love him enough to know that I couldn't be for him what he needs to be. My friends find it appalling that I try to introduce him to other women. Maybe its a selfish thing. Part of me likes knowing that he will be ok when I am gone. His reply to me was that he loved me too. I was personally relieved that our feelings were mutual as a couple friends had put the seeds in my mind that he may care for me in a more intimate way. And of course, silly me, knowing that we are of one mind, just loves him even more for it. Sometimes you just can't ask for more perfect events in life.