Gratitude

Gratitude is one of those things that I feel I rarely get. Sometimes it's nice to know that someone wants you around and appreciates the things you do. Its nice to hear a "thank you" from time to time. It's easy to feel a bit disregarded at times, especially in my line of work.

However, today was a much different day. While my day did start off with a bunch of cussing and fussing from a client I was deeply touched by another one who called to wish me well. I thought it was very sweet of him and really made me smile. I didn't think anyone would remember I was leaving but he did and he told me thank you for all the help I had given him. My co-workers took me to lunch and gave me a wonderful card full of words of praise and well wishes. They are a wonderful group and I happy I had the opportunity to work with them. My biggest surprise of the day was a gift from the most unlikely of people. Two of the job coaches that I work with bought me a beautiful engraved silver business card holder. Just beautiful. I really felt like I might cry. We never worked much together but they were so sweet to give it to me. I love it not because of how beautiful it is, but because someone took the time to pick something out for me, when they had only known me a couple of months. The front of it says "Imagine the Possibilities..."

What can you say when you have a day like that?

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Brown Box Blues

So where do I begin?

I am tired. I am beyond tired. I found myself wanting to fall asleep on the way home today from work. As I got closer to the house I ran into some of the worst rain I have ever driven in. It was like floating over water like a boat. When I finally got home my daddy was home from the hospital and bitching about why the refrigerator wasn't cleaned out. I just looked at him and got up and went up stairs. I was way too tired to even answer his question. I fell asleep on the evening news and now my lower back is killing me and begging for a thermacare wrap. And to make matters worst I still have a long way to go on packing. I think I am just going to grab the basics and try to schedule some time in a couple months to come back and grab some more. I have so much to do and sooo little time to do it in. I am also growing increasingly annoyed with my family. My brothers will jump to help a girl move but I ask them to move a couple boxes and you would have thought I asked for their first born son. Its really irritating. I don;t know if they think I am not leaving or if they are anger at me for going. In any case, I am too tired to care either way. O asked me about my weekend with M and I really didn't feel like talking about it. I don't know why, but I never really feel like talking to others about our interactions. I had a good time with him looking at mattresses and chit chatting but the sex was painful and strained. O made the suggestion that maybe M doesn't want me to leave and I don't know if he does or doesn't. I'm not sure that I want to at this point. When he dropped me off sunday he walked out of the house and didn't kiss me. Which I found odd. I had to prompt him to do so. But anywho... its too much to think about right now. So now I am going to crawl in bed and get ready for another day of work, packing and stress. I need a vacation....

Emotional Vampire

I am tired.

I am tired, cranky, irritable, sleepy, and overall a big emotional wreck. I have been working on mediocre sleep at best because Daddy is in the hospital. He has an enlarged prostate and urinary tract infection. I fear there is more to the story because he has had temps of 102 to 104. He shivers with cold all the time. He fell the other day and so we took him to the hospital. He keeps trying to move around but unfortunately because he won't eat, he is too weak. I had a very emotional client today and I felt horrible for her. Truly her life has come to pieces around her and I am not sure what I can so or do to ease her. She asked for a hug and while I normally discourage that, I think I needed one too. My middle brother has been evicted from his house and is sleeping on our den floor. I just pray I see the day when he gets his shit together. My youngest brother has been so far up his gf's ass that he hasn't done any chores in the house and everyday I come home, she's there. It drives me up a wall. All I want to do is sit on the sofa and watch TV. I stopped by the store where I used to work and spoke to my old co-workers. And while the new store is quite lovely, I am quickly reminded of why I no longer work for them. I have pretty much kept to myself this evening, except for the time I was in the hospital room with Daddy, Momma and my aunts. I tried to smile as much as I could for him and was happy to get a couple returned. It kills me to see daddy like that and even more so knowing I am moving in less than 2 weeks. All I can do is pray that things go well and the anti-biotics will start to work their magic.

I am about crawl and bed and let the world disappear....at least for a little while.