Patience

So after a bunch of back and forth discussion with myself I decided to get up and head to my meeting.

I stopped by the mall and did some small shopping and then headed to the meeting. I got there on time which was different as I usually try to get there early and get my hotel room and take a short nap. I was still debating on staying over night or not. The presentation was rather dry. I found myself sending text messages to keep awake. I convinced a friend of mine to stay for the party. She agreed so I decided to go ahead and check into the hotel. It was actually a good thing because my reservation was never recorded and I ended up sleeping in the room that would have been C and G's.

My friend and I went to dinner and during the conversation I was a bit taken back to hear from her that she too had O's phone number. Immediately I started to wonder if his invitation was genuine. My feelings were kinda hurt and I sent a text to my friend who sent a reassuring message to me that from what she saw, he was very much interested.

That night we went to the party and I dressed up like a school girl to go with the Back to School theme. I have to admit that the place was decorated very well. They really put some work into it. However, after last weekend my eyes were opened in a new way. With the exception of myself, my friend and my ex there were no other black people present. I immediately felt singled out. And add to that most were older and not anyone I was interested in playing with. I did a little bit of caning with my ex but he was more interested in my friend. She pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to go with her to swinger club. I quickly agreed and we headed out. Now this was my first time at this club and it was quite nice really. I got approached by a man who asked if he could lick my pussy. I smiled and shrugged and said sure. He actually was pretty good. I really wasn't interested in having sex with some random guy, no matter how many condoms he had on. But watching was another story. I had a great time just sitting around and watching other people. I'd love to bring my friend there one day. He would love it. I was tired so I left early. But I really had a good time. I danced with a drunk topless housewife. Ha! Now I can check that off my of things to do in my life.

I went to the mall again today and much to my surprise I got a call from O and his girl. I was really excited to hear from them and the call really removed my doubt. He asked if I was still coming to meet them and I asked if he was serious and he said yes. So hopefully the dates I emailed to them will work. I would love to make the trip.

On my way home I stopped by A's house since he didn't come to the meeting. His car was out in front but he didn't answer the door or my calls. I left a sticky note on his patio that said "It would be nice if you could let people know you are ok". I know he was there. Its times like this when I tell God "thank you" for the small blessings. Could you imagine where I would be if I had signed that contract?

So I think I learned a lesson this weekend. My lesson is that I need more patience. I need to have more faith in time. I got a really irritating letter from financial aid today so instead of storming in the office I have decided to let my professor handle it. I need to practice more self control and patience and trust in those who have more power than I do. Who wants a counselor who flies off the handle? Yeah, I thought so.

Just Great.

So today I had the lovely pleasure of picking up my financial aid check. I was so exciting about my meeting tomorrow and the arrival of C. and G. that I hurried to Torrid to pick out a school girl skirt and stockings. I got this cute white blouse and a pair of mary jane's from Target.

I came home and washed my hair and started packing my bag. At about 2:15 am I get a message from C. that they can't make it. Needless to say, I am pissed. I cancelled my previous date with said Dom from "Death of a Dominant" so that I could be in full form for these 2. Now he is working tomorrow night. I am so pissed I could spit fire. I am in a mood and I seriously hate when I get in moods like this because I start doing stupid things to get out of it. Its times like this when I start wanting a relationship and foolishly find one.

Damn Damn Damn!

Now I am not even sure if I want to go anymore. I am afraid it would only make my mood worst. I guess sometimes in times like these the best thing to do is just read and do homework and let it pass.

So much for my ride on cloud nine.

Black Beat- My Weekend

So a week has passed and I have had time to internalize the weekend of festivities. I feel like I am going through a drop. I miss it already. Who knew I would enjoy it so much?

I flew to the conference with a Domme friend of mine. The flight was basic, nothing much to it. I am quickly learning this summer that I really enjoy flying. Its so great to be able to arrive at a destination in the same day. I think our flight only took an hour. It was hardly time to even close your eyes before we were hitting the runway. The hotel was basic. Nothing truly special about it. We were supposed to have a roommate but she canceled out on us. I wasn't too bummed out about it, especially when I saw our room had 2 full beds and not 2 queen beds. We are some big women and that was alot of hips to fit in a bed. Well within an hour of getting to the hotel I was informed that we would indeed have a roommate. I wasn't too pleased to hear this but I figured since she was a friend of my roommate she would be sleeping in her bed. NOT. I had to share my bed. I was pretty pissed about that and honestly, kinda still am. We had a casino night the first night and between the lack of sleep and the irritation of having to share a small bed, I didn't really want to go. Add to that 2 dommes who were asking me to do everything on earth and I was not a happy camper. Our group also did a hospitality reception. I wasn't very pleased about having to shell out well over $30 for the affair. I didn't feel like that was my dime to spend. Especially since it wasn't my idea to host the party. But I grinned and bared it. However, don't let Thursday fool you. Friday was a new day.

Friday was the beginning of the conference. I got up and jumped in the bathroom before anyone else so I could get dressed and get out of the room asap. As I was ironing my clothes, my Domme friend made the comment that she didn't know I knew how to iron. I kinda laughed because I found that to absurd. Who the hell can't iron? So I laughed and said, "Well its not like I tell Dom's that. They would have me doing housework all the time". To which she replied "Do you know what part of your problem is?" I remember just looking up from my iron, which oh by the way, was her dress and glaring at her. She quickly informed me, without my expressed interest, that I was too outspoken, too honest and that my attitude turned Doms off. That it was the reason why I was single. My initial reaction was to ask her who she was with, but I already knew that answer so I just decided to finish the ironing and get downstairs as soon as I could. She informed me she wanted me to meet her friend and I just nodded my head and politely informed her that I had no interest in men older than my daddy. She said I needed to stop looking for a boyfriend and the line that irritated me the most....that I needed to learn that "it wasn't about me". I remained silent for the rest of my time in the room and put her dress on the bed. I then decided it was in my best interest to leave the room before my irritation go the best of me. I was late to my second class (or was it the third?) so I had to stand in the back of the room. It was actually the only class I was truly interested in seeing. It was a class on edge play, which you know is fast becoming one of my favorite types of play. I must admit I was slightly enamored with the presenter. I had met him the day before and I could barely keep my eyes on his. I wish we had more time for the class. It was really interesting and I could tell the crowd was engaged. He said he was going to do a fire presentation later that night at the dungeon so I made sure to have myself present for that. I think I skipped the second presentation (or was that the third? Who knows..) to go to the mall. I had unfortunately left my makeup brushes at home and bareminerals doesn't go on well with anything else. The Black and White ball was that night it was very well done. I was amazed at the outfits people had put together. I was very happy with the dress my mother had done for me. The food was rather bland. Sad to say, the best part was the rice. Afterwards we went back to the room and changed to go to the dungeon. On my way to the bus a woman stopped to compliment me. She said she loved my dress and my shoes. I actually got several compliments on my shoes. I loved them but the killed my feet. They are definitely shoes that were only made for fucking. As I was stepping off the bus and walking into the dungeon the man from the presentation, O, stopped to make a comment that my shoes didn't look like "good girl" shoes. I kinda giggled and blushed. Like a dork. I followed friend to the top level of the dungeon which had an awesome view of what was going on in every corner. Not long after I had settled did my Domme friend introduce me to the Dom with whom she had mentioned before. He looked to be in his late 60's....or more. You know black people age slower than others. We sat down and talked and he asked me that same tired question that people always ask "what is the difference between and sub and a slave". So I gave him an answer. My answer. Of course it was wrong. But I swear there are a million and one ways to answer that damn question. He then went on to tell me about how to avoid predatory dominants and how new subs like myself needed to be informed. At that point I politely interrupted him and asked him what he had been told about me. At this point I was so frustrated with being talked to like I was a 5-year old that I was about to cry. He said nothing but I know better. His discussion was too focused. I then informed him I was not new and he gave me his card and asked for me to contact him. I haven't decided if I will or not. I was so irritated at this point that I headed downstairs and ran into one of my favorite Dommes who then informed me t hat she was about go back to the hotel. I almost jumped through hoops to gather up everyone so we could get back. I was walking so fast to the van that I fell and skinned my knee. Damn sexy shoes. Unfortunately I had gathered too many because I ended up in the back of the van laying on my stomach trying desperately to keep my short dress down and keep from handing out free peek shows. Twice the police rode behind our van and I was afraid they would pull us over for unrestrained passengers but by some grace of God, we passed by without a problem. When I got back to the hotel I kicked my shoes off and pulled out some flip flops and headed toward my friends room to tell her about the "talk". I then asked her if I could sleep in her room that night and she was happy to have me. Later that night, when the bus had arrived, several groups had more after parties. After one of the parties I found myself at the end of the hallway with O and his submissive, I, who I had quite an unusual attraction to. I am not normally drawn to women but I was to her. Others joined us and several conversations ensued. During the midst of these conversations I felt his hand caressing my thigh. I was at that point more concerned with his subs reaction but I didn't even see her flinch. I think that's why I was in awe with her. I could tell she was comfortable in her position. Now that's a goal to strive for. As the conversation went on...the caresses got higher and more deliberate. After a dwindling in the crowd he turned me around and had me face a wall as he pushed my dress above my waist and pulled my panties between my ass and started to spank me. I kinda forgot anyone else was around and then found myself with my head on his shoulder and his finger on my clit. For the first time in my life, I came (for real, no faking) from another person touching my clit. I was in amazement. I loved the way he whispered in my ear. I sat at his feet while he caressed my hair and continued to talk. I was in my own space by that point. The most special and memorable part of the weekend was when he informed his girl that they would be walking me to my room. He walked me to my room and kissed the top of my head. I stepped in the room and peeked out and watched the two of them walk back to their room, holding hands. I wish I had a picture of it. It was a very special moment for me. It gave me hope. I went into the room and grabbed my night gown and pillow and headed down to my friends room. She inquired as to what happened and I told her. She laughed and said "I know, it's why I left". She saw it way before I did.

I woke up late on Saturday. I had stayed up way past my bed time. I think I made it up just in time to go to the luncheon and the submissive roundtable. I was kinda disappointed the speaker didn't get to talk long. I was kinda looking forward to what he had to stay. But the weekend was running off schedule. Such is life right? I really enjoyed the round table. Not really for what was said but for the ability to look around the room and see soooo many black submissives. I didn't feel quite so lonely for a bit there. I guess I still don't. I was a little weepy listening to different stories and all I could remember is feeling my friends hand on my back. I don't think she has ever seen me cry. Especially not in public. But I was having a moment. A good moment. I do regret that I didn't do more networking. I went and took a nap before getting up for dinner before getting ready for the dungeon. I got to the dungeon and they started a Dom/sub auction not long after arrival. O went up for bid and I got beat by one bid. It kinda sucked but it was shocked I would even have the courage to bid as hard as I did. He passed by me and said that he would see me at the hotel later that night. My Domme friend was a bit appalled that he would play with another girl besides me but I wasn't bothered in the least. He had spent the previous evening with me. That said alot more. I did do my first public scene with a Domme friend of mine. She did a spanking with hot wax. I loved it. I have a hickey on my ass as I write. Tee Hee. That night there were MORE afterparties. I drank way too much alcohol that weekend. I will have to be more careful next year. My Domme friend wanted me to hang out with her but I was really more interested in seeing O again. I saw him in the hall and his face looked disturbed. He exclaimed that he couldn't find his girl. Its been a long time since I have seen such concern on a man's face for his woman. Luckily she was ok. The evening got late and I told him I was on my way to bed. He asked me to hang back a few minutes and we walked downstairs to the lobby to talk. We went back upstairs and he kissed my lips and told me to get my cell phone so I could take his number. He licked my nipples before letting me head to my room and go to bed. I was a happy girl.

Sunday was the day we were set to head home. I was awoken by questions about a first aid kit. I got in bed at 8 am that morning so I was irritated to be awoke before time. It seems that a friend of mine cut her leg with a dagger and needed stitches. I love her but she needs to learn how to play with the toys first. We got packed up and went to sit in the lobby. I got a goodbye swat on my ass from I and a big hug from O before the shuttle took us to the airport. I got back to her house and got my car and headed home. I was so wound up that I called my friend and asked him to fuck me. Unfortunately he had to work Sunday night but told me to come by Monday. He left a key for me. I was in shock. I never had a key to a man's house. I told him about the trip and he fucked me harder than he ever has. Its Thursday and I can still feel it. But what I loved the most was laying in his arms. He's not as exciting as many Dom's I have met, but by far more loving.

I have called O a couple times but unfortunately he has been busy. I hate to call so much I want him to know I am interested. I also emailed his sub. I really enjoyed meeting her. I think that's the part that amazes me the most.

So that's my weekend in the nutshell. I would write more but my fingers are getting tired. Maybe I will add more later.

This weekend is the weekend for my group. Its a back to school theme and I am really feeling the need to dress up and do the school girl thing.

Black Beat

So wow...its almost like I don't know where to begin! And honestly I don't. So I think I am going to get ready for bed and try this again tomorrow when I have had more than 2 hours of sleep. LOL And yes, that is highly accurate. But it was worth it. In every shape and form.

Erotica

Do I even need to explain? Ohh but my favorite lyric in this song is :

Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better
Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away

I think that is profound. I mean how true is that and yet how often do we forget that? Especially in "vanilla" life when it comes to matters of the heart.

Happy people don't write poetry.

I think I heard that phrase at sometime in my life. Or maybe it was just an observation I made on my own. But in any case, its the truth. Rarely do you read "happy" poems. Why? Because the poet is too busy being "happy" to stop an write. The same goes for a little caramel complexioned submissive in NC. Right now, I am happy. I have very little to complain about. I am kinda broke but I get paid soon and my bills are paid up for now so no biggie. I just have to cut back on eating out, which I need to do anyway. Black Beat is just around the corner and my momma is making a dress that is way more beautiful than anything I could have bought on a rack in store. My hair dresser said my hair is starting to grow back in and my job is stress free. But the best part of all of this is that said dominant from my "Death of Dominant" post is back in my life. We did the dinner and a movie thing Saturday night. I got bold and asked him to show me his new house. I spent the evening playing with his dog and teasing him about his dirty place. After some net surfing for BDSM sites and porn I found myself in the all too familiar position of on my knees at his feet. I could tell it had been a while since he had a woman to do all the things he wanted and allowed him to resume the dominant role. That was my hope for the evening. To remind him of the things he has missed in the past few years. I have succeeded with overwhelming results. We chat almost daily and I plan to take him to his first BDSM event within the next couple of months. Ohh and I asked G. if he would call me and his reply to me was "I'd love to". Can I just take a minute to squeal?! And you all know I am so not a squealer. Ohh and to finish out this happy post and go back to my happy bed in my happy life, this is an email I received from one of my favorite Dommes in response to a post I made online. I grinned for nearly an hour after I read it.

"Hey girl, I just had to drop you a line and tell you that I AM SO IMPRESSED WITH YOU and have been since the day we met. Your answers to questions are ALWAYS so well thought out and expressed with clarity and are really so HONEST AND OPEN......For a young lady who is so young, it is so great that you have thoroughly thought out who you are and what you want. It was good to see that you don't have a problem being dominated by a woman either, lol.......(OK, I really smiled at that one) Perhaps we can play at BB. I'm looking forward to seeing you again........"

How sweet is that?! :)